As part of my Art of Sacred Post Partum training, I was
introduced to the Mother’s Wisdom Deck, a beautiful set of 52 oracle cards that
shine light on the work and being of motherhood, across the scope of Natural
Mother (eg cave), Animal Mother (eg Dolphin), Ancestral Mother (eg the Pythia)
and Divine Mother (eg Haumea, the Hawaiian goddess of nurturing).
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| Quan Yin, mother of compassion and mercy |
Syncronistically, I was gifted a set of these cards by a
dearly sweet postpartum client of mine, and oh! How that gesture touched my
heart. The gift filled me up, and I was so excited to have a look I brought
them out at my very next session, half an hour later, to keep that sister love
flowing.
When I am not packing the cards into my basket to take them
to client sessions, they sit upon my desk, just beside my laptop and above my
journal. Often in the morning as I start work I will draw a card to give me (or
perhaps, more accurately to enrich my inner, sometimes veiled knowledge) some
guidance for both my work and my mothering- and of course my personal journey
which is strongly linked but paradoxically independent from work and mothering.
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| The card in question |
Today, as I have on more occasions than any other card, I
drew Kuan Yin. She’s been popping up a lot, so it was time to meditate on her
and find out what exactly it is which she trying to tell me.
Kuan Yin is the Chinese Goddess of Mercy, and is intertwined
with the concepts and experiences of compassion, motherhood and selflessness. Here’s
a little jewel from The Mother’s Wisdom Deck under Kuan Yin’s entry:
“In Hebrew, the word
for compassion, rachamim, is the
plural of the word for “womb”. Just as a baby expands the womb, children expand
our compassion.”
There is a rich beauty in that statement, and whilst that
would make a lovely blog post to explore, they were not the words that sung out
with a resonant toll of wisdom for me today. Instead it was this:
“This thousand armed
goddess, ever ready to offer mercy, prods us to temper our reactions with love.
She whispers: mother as you would like
to be mothered.”
Whew, those last eight words have opened up a profound shift
in me, on this chilly winter afternoon, sitting at my desk. Mother as you would
like to be mothered. Of course.
So many times in my mothering journey, empathy is the
answer. Perhaps it is always the answer. I am not sure. I do know, though, when
I am feeling out of sorts, disconnected, both from these three precious little
beings I mother, or from my ideals and
visions of my own mothering, empathy is the fast track to bring me back to
connection and a sense of centredness in my mama-being, which are probably the
two most important parts of my mothering ideals.
The statement, Mother as you would like to be mothered, a
shiny “golden rule” indeed- what a great tool and mantra for empathy and
compassion! Embodiment of the Kuan Yin way, on so many levels.
So I take this into my mothering, right in this moment. How
can this enrich the lives of my children, and of my mama-being?
Connecting to that little girl inside me, the memories of
being a wild little girl running around the farm I grew up on, at the bottom of
another sacred mountain, climbing fig trees, building cubbies from bark and
sticks, watching dragonflies around the dams and being scared witless of the
horses and bulls which would occasionally find sport in chasing me. That part
of her that still resides in me, what does she yearn for?
the freedom and resources to explore her land and her being
to the edges of what it is to BE her…
whilst still being held, in safety and often ignorance…
to be nourished by food not just in a nutritional sense, but
by the love and intention behind it…
fun (or the initiation of it at least, and allowing the play
to take it’s own path) and the provision of spontanaety, surprise trips to new
places and activities that bring newness and joy…
presence and cuddles in the darkness of night when
nightmares visit or fears crawl into bed with her, and the assurance that YES
morning will come, and that NO things won’t feel this scary forever…
adorable little hand crafted “friends” that appear as a
manifestation of mother love (this is a thread that has definitely carried from
my mum, who made me so many little toys, to my children- my little girl has a
rainbow unicorn, a Waldorf doll and a butterfly fairy sitting in her bed right
now, loving stitched by me)…
education about and support within that big wide world
around us- nature, but also what it is to be a woman, to live an alternative
lifestyle, to be a person living in the bush, to be an aware communicator, an
individual that helps the human race evolve to something more loving, connected
and conscious…
patience in the face of misbehaviour, knowing that there is
a need that has not been met, and a delving into what that need might be, and
how to help her meet it (in cases where this is appropriate) or to have it met
for her (where this is appropriate) or support in grieving that the need cannot
be met (if this is appropriate)…
and in that, connect with her potentiality rather than her ‘wrongness’…
the knowledge that being a mother is a joy for her mother, not
a burden…
the most fervent, yummy, wholehearted cuddles when we return
to each other after time apart.
A little picture of a time in recent days where I felt I was
mothering as I wished to be mothered:
My oldest (six, a boy), who had recently had a tummy bug and
came home from a morning’s gallivanting with dad tired and a little unwell
again: I took a quilt and a pillow and his favourite blanket set him up a nest
on the veranda in that sweet winter sunshine. I sat with him for a while, the
babies pottering around us and rubbed his back. I could see and feel him
soaking up that simple mama love, it was so nourishing for both of us.
And as always, when talking of mothering the red thread, the
line from us back to our mothers and grandmotherly ancestors, and forward to
our children and the generations to come, is the context.
My realisation at the end of my meditation was this: that
the adult me, the mother that is juggling these three beings, and a doula and
birth counselling business, and a small publishing job, and a husband, and a
gorgeous little bush home and a much neglected but honoured garden…that mother
is getting what she needs from her own mother.
My mother comes to visit for a long weekend once a month,
and brings with her respite, joy, space and a slowing down.
My mother is just so adept at mothering me as a mother
myself. Despite her years, she had endless energy and presence and play for my
three children. She heartily lets me- even tells me, sometimes, to go have a
sleep, and doesn’t wake me until I wake up. She gives my husband and I time-
the only time we have, in fact, to slip out for a cuppa. And she gets the kids
breakfast and takes them for a walk, now, after night weaning my youngest, I
can feasibly go out later than 9pm- and need a little sleep in the next
morning.
And it’s not so much the sleep that is the most nourishing,
or whatever she is providing for us or facilitating for us. It is the
understanding, empathically, of the need below it, and giving her all to fulfill
that, non judgmentally, with love and compassion. It all comes down to love.
In what ways do you "Mother as you wish to be mothered?" Or how could you extend yourself to mother in this way? Or father, of course, if that is your path...
© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014
Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher
of Sacred Whisper Bellingen
Ph: 0418 950 793
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