When a Baby Dies Workshop

WHEN A BABY DIES // WORKSHOP FACILITATED BY DENISE LOVE //

 THURSDAY 27TH APRIL 9.30 - 2.30

Motherhood is a fundamentally emotional journey. It is impossible to separate the rich, raw feelings of being a mama from the role of being a mother itself.

When a baby dies, the tragic reality of the loss is overwhelming. Whether it be a miscarriage, an abortion, a stillbirth or a neonatal birth, the promise of motherhood is shattered and the mother, her partner and family face a new, very demanding path: bereavement. Whilst this path can only be walked by them, they should never walk it unsupported.

And yet our culture often fails in supporting bereaved women and their families and loved ones appropriately: not because we don't want to-- the outpouring of love to these families is often strong and visible. Instead, we, as a culture, have multiple barriers to offering that support: a taboo around death (especially that of a baby), a lack of awareness of the practical and emotional issues that co-exist with bereavement, especially when a baby is involved; and not being equipped with tools that can help the mother experience her grief and find her new normal in working with her loss.

This one day workshop aims to help bridge that gap in dealing with the death of a baby: to actively create a space where the mother and father/partner feel held and support people and birthworkers can find the language and gestures to support them in moving into and through the sadness.

The workshop is for anyone who has had a baby die, experienced a stillbirth or miscarriage, or who has had an abortion. Birth workers will benefit from sitting in circle and hearing stories and sharing the experiences they have had. We will look at the challenges we face in handling a little body, green funerals and rituals that may help with grief.

"When a Baby Dies" is facilitated by Denise Love, a birth and death Doula trainer. Denise has been working with birth for a number of decades, including the last few years in Cambodia. She empowers communities by running doula training in both rural and city settings, and also integrates into her work the important task of lovingly supporting people who are coming to the end of their lives. She runs LifeOptions as well as Women's Health Cambodia, a non profit organisation that helps bring safe birth to women in remote villages in Cambodia.

The "When a Baby Dies" workshop will be held on Thursday 27th April from 9.30am to 2.30pm in Bellingen (venue TBA). The cost of the workshop is $90 and payment plans are available. Snacks will be provided, please bring a plate to share for lunch.

To book into the workshop, or for any enquiries, please contact me on 0418950793 or email earthysammi@gmail.com

Copyright Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2017

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and is the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Grounding into the Narrative of Birth

If you are a regular reader of the Sacred Whisper Bellingen blog, you would know that I have been working on a six week immersion for integrating traumatic birth experiences.

She's arrived earthside- Healing Your Birth: Returning to the Heart after Birth Trauma is now running as a pilot program, and I will soon be offering it to the wider community. It is a beautiful meeting of the Sacred Living Movement's Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma course, written by Corrine Laan, and my own processes and work as a holistic doula and birth counsellor. I feel very inspired and humbled by this work moving through me. And I also see the vital importance of holding space for mamas who have experienced trauma in the birthing process- coming to wholeness as a mama creates healing and clear space for the next generation. What we need now are awakened, conscious humans. This work is a small but important part of that.

I am a certified Healing Birth Trauma Circle Leader

The first week of this course is called Grounding into the Narrative of Birth: Embarkation. We explore mental health, create a container for clear expectations and communication and safe space, deepen our ability to listen in a truly wise and open way, and share our birth stories. We also chart the birth- the charge moments, the highs and lows, the peaks of the experience in a peak experience. We begin to tell our stories- to explore our narratives.

What is the narrative of birth?

On the most simple level, it is simply a conveyance of the chronology of the birth, the facts, perhaps the feelings. But any woman who has given birth, or approaches birth, knows that it goes much deeper than this.

Birth will awaken parts of us we didn't know were dormant inside us. It will agitate any part of us that is raw, and sometime soothe us in ways we didn't even know were possible. It will allow us to traverse strange and wonderful lands. It will take us to the edge, again and again, and reveal that beyond our edge there is both the void, and more space yet to travel. It can leave us more whole than we ever imagined, or leave us broken.

The narrative of birth is all of this: the deep sensuality of birth and how we met it; how we were held (or shamed, or unheard); the lessons, both new and deepened, that it teaches us (and again, both those lessons that served us and those warped lessons that don't); the way birth initiated us into motherhood- with energy or with grief, trauma or empowerment. It's a story but a story far too profound and complex for words alone. It can be told in words, but only partially. It can be danced, but only partially. It can be sung, or painted, screamed, torn, brought to a relational field-- but only partially. We will tell it forever, in many different ways.

We cannot control the trajectory or outcome of birth; we have a massive job in overcoming social conditioning around the shaming of women's bodies, the fear of birth and the medicalisation of our reproductive systems; and so we cannot ever prevent all birth trauma. But, given the healthy faciliation of a physiological birth process, with a woman clear in her intentions and supported by warm, knowledgable and skilled caregivers, giving birth can become a superbly empowering event. The narrative this woman would take into her motherhood and her wider life will serve her and all those around her in the most positive, nourishing way.

But what if the birth giving was horrible? Traumatic, haunting, isolating? What of that narrative?

Something I have seen in my work, is that there is a deep parallel between giving birth, and healing from birth. Both are a manifestation of women's power and strength and above all the feminine energy of giving love in the most amazing ways. Over and over, the women I see come out of birth feeling broken, traumatised and disconnected are the ones who discover a strong sense of wholeness, strength and connection during their healing journeys.

In healing we have to go to those raw places and confront them (much like the physical and emotional intensity of giving birth). In this we write a new story- instead of shutting down, the very act of striving to heal allows us to rebuild strength, trust, wisdom and self love. We can return to the heart, ever so gently.

Birth is never just a narrative of just a few hours, but a whole lifetime, and it's one of those rich and potent times that the narrative of our lives- the way we perceive our lives- can be rewritten. Whether that sacred rewriting happens during birth or during integrating a traumatic birth, the pathway to initiation is there regardless. In this I trust.

If you would like to know more about the six week (one morning a week) course, or be kept updated where I am with it's release, please email me at earthysammi@gmail.com, or call me on 0418950793

Copyright Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and is the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Journalling as a Pathway to Becoming Whole

A few years ago I discovered the work of Bill Plotkin, a depth psychologist, ecotherapist and wilderness guide. He is the author of Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche, an experiential guide to the wilderness of the soul. It's well worth a read.

He also authored a book called Wild Mind: A Field Guide to the Human Psyche which details his explorations into personality theory. In it, he discusses the concept of 'wholing':

"Wholing is the foundation for true healing. Some degree of personal wwholing must precede any deep healing, not the other way around. In Western societies, many believe we can't be whole- truly loving, highly creative people contributing to the world- until we have sufficiently healed from our childhood wounds. But I beleive the opposite is the truth: Deep psychological healing is the result of learning how to embrace our woundedness and fragmentedness from the cultivated perspective and consciousness of the Self. We must to some degree cultivate our wholeness before we can truly be healed. Wholing comes first and is foundational (pp26-27)."

I have taken this concept of wholing into my work. After all, we are complex beings, full of nuance and fluidity amongst the patterns and traits that give our identities structure and form. There are always a multitude of layers that can be explored and nurtured, given a positive intention and a commitment to presence to what arises.

Journalling is a key tool I use in my work to elicit the holistic awareness required to become more whole: to own all parts of ourselves, including our shadow, to walk the fine line between radical acceptance and loving moulding of ourselves. In journalling we can enter a liminal healing and wholing space.

Journaling is a rich process. It allows the flow of thought, feeling and experience that always permeates our walk on this earth, the ability to be brought to light, gently turned over and caressed, examined, and explored. It allows us the consciousness and awareness to sculpt a life that is more aligned to our attentions; to grieve our losses; to celebrate the radiant joys of our life—to process. In allowing ourselves the reflection time that journaling provides, we can gain much.

How you journal is up to you. You may be into reams of eloquent, beautiful words. You may like to keep it simple. You may find art and drawing expresses your experience more accurately. Or you may find- especially keep this in mind in challenging moments and those first few months when the baby arrives- that all you can manage is words- “angry. Exhausted—desperately need sleep. Heart soars when little one looks in my eyes”- that is fine too (and keeping things achievable is important)! There is no wrong way to journal. Follow your heart wisdom, the rest of you will catch up.

If you are new to journaling, here are some tips—

·         Journaling is not an exercise is literacy or linguistics. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling and all those things we are conditioned to worry about. This is about giving you space to process, explore and reflect on your experience.

·         You can follow prompts, or you can simply write what arises--  or a mixture of both. With time and self nurturing, the right stuff- that is, the stuff that needs to be processed- will arise naturally.

·         There is no wrong way to journal

·         It is great to achieve a state where you are not censoring your experience in any way. One way to do this is to acknowledge that which you write is only one facet of your experience, and what may be true in that moment may not be true in another moment, or the majority of the time. Sometimes negative things need to be voiced (or written) before they can be let go of

·         If you find the process challenging, try this: Set an alarm for a certain amount of time, say ten minutes, and simply write whatever comes into your head over that time. It doesn’t need to be relevant or “pretty”. This is free flow writing, and can be therapeutic and very surprising!

·         Journaling can bring up deep issues. If you need support, it is your right and responsibility to seek further support.

  Journal at times when you are assured quiet and space, and do what you need to do to keep your journal secure and private- of course you can share what you write with others, but what you share and how is always your choice. 

In my upcoming Healing Your Birth: Returning to the Heart After Birth Trauma course, we will use journalling as a key process to both complement and anchor the course work, and to use it as an opportunity to explore what is truly unique to each participant: how this experience has manifested, and continues to manifest in them.

Sammi Cambray is trained to run Healing Birth Trauma circles through the Sacred Living Movement. Many thanks to Corinne Laan for the teaching, and for permission to use some of the processes in Sammi's Healing Your Birth immersion. 

Here is a little sneak peek into the journalling work we will be doing as part of the Healing Your Birth: Returning to the Heart after Birth Trauma six week (one morning a week) immersion.

If you would like to know more about the six week (one morning a week) course, or be kept updated where I am with it's release, please email me at earthysammi@gmail.com, or call me on 0418950793

Copyright Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and is the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

The Alchemy of a Traumatic Birth

There's an alchemy that comes with birthing. There's the changing from maiden to mother, but as magnamanous as that transition is, there is something deeper at work. There's an imbuing: both of the particular lessons needed in mothering this little child, which sometimes needs close examination and a brave heart. And, if held well by the circles surrounding the mother, she will also be imbued into a deeper sense and connection to who she is at her highest: her unique vibration and soul purpose and how the divine is channeled through her and only her.

Sadly, tragically, this often doesn't happen. There are a myriad of reasons why it doesn't happen, and that complexity will need to wait for a future post. Suffice to say, it doesn't always happen, the mama doesn't always step into her motherhood connected strongly to the wellsprings of empowerment and love and bonding and intuition and knowing that is there within her. Sometimes, this is because she has experienced trauma in her birth giving (this can also include her pregnancy and post natal time).

When a mama has experienced trauma, a different type of alchemy occurs. This alchemy can be just as rich, and in a strange way, beautiful as that which comes from a blissful, satisfying birth. It's not easy, and hopefully a vast array of support can encircle the mama to do this important work. Healing from a traumatic birth experience holds a power and alchemy all of it's own: the digging down right to the viscera, to the bones, the roots, and uncovering from woundedness, a deeper and more nourishing sense of self and what it is to be a mama.

This work is vital. When a mama is called, she needs to immerse herself into it, or become stagnant, stay in the woundedness or disconnect from her heart.

The process for healing will look different for each woman, and often it is difficult to know the path ahead- it relys on a heart-centredness which can be very difficult to engage with when recovering from a traumatic experience. Getting back into the heart, and feeling at least a little safe in that space, is the first step.

My work is deeply informed by the inherent power that lies within the alchemical potential of birth, whether it be from a blissful birth, or in standing as a sacred witness and guide to the process of integrating a traumatic birth experience. I have spent a number of years now focusing on birth trauma work, and will never retire a sense of awe of just how important the rite of passage of giving birth is for a woman.

This doesn't just reside in my professional life, however. The sacred catalyst for this direction in my life came from my own first birth-giving. The birth of my first child was the most distressing, wounding event of my life. It was harrowing and the weeks and months that followed, though joyous, where also tainted by the extra stress of experiencing acute post traumatic stress.

It was hard. To go into that sort of process, when I had a new little baby who was so demanding (and adorable), and I had to master so many new skills and knowledge and emotions-- it was hard.

But it happened, I integrated the birth, went on to have three more positive births and channel my experiences into my work. I took my counselling qualifications and focused on birth, and more specifically, helping other women who had sustained trauma in birthing.

Last year, as I gestated my last baby, I dove back into that process again. I undertook training in Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma, produced by Corinne Laan for the Sacred Living Movement.

If you read my post last week, you would already be clued up about the beautiful creative process I am having in gently, alluringly, approaching my work again with the most open heart,joy and love. A big part of my time has been spent revisiting the Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma training, sifting through my own experiences as a mama, a doula and a counsellor, and crafting something new.

It's a six week (one morning a week) immersion into healing birth trauma, and more specifically, the alchemy of returning to the heart. It's a bunch of processes: journallings, meditations, deep listening and being witnessed, ritual, practical skills and knowledge, art therapy and more, that aims to take a woman from her place of trauma and hurt, meet that experience with gentleness, sensitivity and awareness, and create a lighter, more integrated and open space for her to step into- both for her own wellbeing, and for her experience of mothering.

I am excited to share it soon. I am finishing the draft course, and will piloting it in the coming weeks. It will be out in the community in deep midwinter- a fortuitous time for deep inner work.
My Course and the creative process

My intention is to sit with mamas who are hurting, or are disconnected or disassociating from their experience, to nourish them, to listen in humbleness and openness and complete lack of judgement, to see the light in them, and to help them see that light to. Because we all have it, no matter what we have been through.

If you would like to know more about the six week course, or be kept updated or where I am at with it's release, please email me on mamarising@gmail.com, or call me on 0418950793.

At present I am looking at running it in Bellingen, and would be open to running it within a couple of hours radius- Port Macquarie, Kempsey, Macksville, Armidale, Coffs Harbour, Grafton and surrounds.

If the work of integrating your traumatic birth experience calls to you, but my particular offer doesn't sing to you, here's some other places you can reach out to get the support you deserve:

Mental Health Access Line NSW (24 hours): 1800 011 511

Lifeline (24 hours telephone crisis counselling): 13 11 14 

Birthtalk: http://birthtalk.org/  

PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia): 
Helpline- Mon to Fri 10am to 5pm  1300 726 306 
http://www.panda.org.au/ 

Pregnancy, Birth and Babies Helpline (24 hours): 1800 882 436 

Perinatal Psychologist, Coffs Harbour Hospital (free for antenatal and post natal appointments, contact through Primary Health: (02) 6656 7000 

•  

Go well mama. May your healing be swift, deep and heart centred.

Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Shakti Energy Flowing

.... where the dynamics of the creativity of mothering, and the creativity that flows further afield from my tribe intersects.


A year and a half ago, I was in a sweet place. My youngest was growing slowly into a deeper sense of independance, our family moved to the most gorgeous mudbrick palace out in the bush, and my work was feeding me (if not literally, at least metaphorically). I was studying holistic postpartum care, was working with lots of clients in my counselling practice, and attended my first birth as a doula. The fine threads of my passions and skills and knowledge were being woven together into a tapestry that was my medicine, my soul work in the world.


And then, as life does, the illusion of being centred and in control was firmly tested. In the most delicious, joyful and heart opening way.

Along came Quilla! A baby who came with a quiet sense of knowing and determination, as one years ended and I set my heart to intentions and beginnings and renewal. A surprise baby, but so loved. My fourth.

The Birth of Quilla

Those precious fleeting newborn weeks

So that divine energy went inward again, it was a tricky pregnancy and took a lot of focus. Work could wait. These precious experiences of carrying my youngest child couldn't. Those experiences are, perhaps, a story for another day. But at the heart of it all, was the gorgeous yumminess of the life created. A birth that tested me on all levels and reaffirmed everything I believed in, and then taught me about my own power and endurance I always had within. The most delicious babymooning. Hours of gazing, of her deeply sleeping form on my chest. Of midnight snuggles and midday giggles (and often the other way around).

Quilla is seven months old now- divine little being.

Joy is her natural state

The Shakti energy never stays inward in me and my mothering for long though. I am a deeply introverted person, but also a woman of paradox... creativity channelled outwards is my most nourishing source of the sweet nectar of life. Quilla's birth has brought me, a little surprisingly, a greater sense of energy and vitality with which to meet the Shakti creativity in me. Many nights have been spent writing or working on various other projects of mine. The shift has been made, and it is time to work a little of my medicine again.

Find your medicine and use it!- Nahko Bear

With that comes a call for mindfulness, of course. My priority is the welbeing, safeguarding and nurturing of my children (and myself). I fully realise and attune to the responsibility to work in a way that nourishes both me, and my children, individually and as a tribe. One part of my awareness needs to be on this every day; a reflectiveness that will aid both my work and my mothering. For now, work needs to be predictable: no leaving the house at short notice in the middle of the after school rush to attend a birth for me! Rhythms, schedules, start times and end times... they are all a good thing right now.

These four are my compass and my heart

There's also a refreshing degree of freedom in this, as I am able to choose what serves me best and inspires me most, rather than going for what will make the most for the family financially. It's a time to hone and explore and play as well as work.

And so I move back to my work with Sacred Pregnancy. This blog, a perfect little project for my Gemini soul. During Quilla's pregnancy I undertook training in Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma (which is one of my most passionate areas to work in), and am very close to piloting a six week course that is a combination of the Sacred Loss work and my own processes. (Stay tuned for more info).

I am now a qualified Healing Birth Trauma circle leader for Sacred Pregnancy

I am currently training in Sacred Beginnings, an eight week course to nurture mamas and their new little earthside babies. I will also be finishing my study on the Art of Sacred Post Partum (holistic postnatal care), and will soon begin training in running Blessingways/Mama Blessings... I've got my eye on Birth Journey courses, work with chakras and crystals and ceremonies and ritual for honouring babies.

There is also something very, VERY special coming up in March next year which I can't wait to talk about!

This is all a part of that tapestry that is coming back together in my life... one with four children now, with writing, counselling, doula work and holistic birth education. One where I live in a gorgeous soulful town, where sitting on the earth is great nourishment, where I am overcome with laughter or tears with my soul sisters and friends, where my children play up the street and go to the most amazing school and where my lover and I connect and bicker and make love and hang out washing together and drink far too much coffee together.

It's a beautiful life.

If you would like more information on the Healing Birth Trauma course, or any of my work, please call me on 0418950793 or email earthysammi@gmail.com

Let's start a discussion! What are your creative outlets? How does this intersect, or diverge, from your parenting?

Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Bellingen Baby- Natural Birth and Parenting Support Group

A few years ago, I was humbled to take on a most honouring role: the coordinator of Bellingen Baby, our local natural birth and parenting support group. I was handed the role by the most amazing and inspiring woman: Mieke. Mieke runs Love to Birth doula services, and is studying and raising a large and vibrant brood of children. When it was time to take the role on, I took in, in trembling, but excited hands.

The Bellingen Baby logo 

Bellingen Baby is a group that was created many years ago- I think we are around the three decade mark, I would have been just a little cherubic bub myself when those first women were gathering in circle- as the Mid North Coast Homebirth Support Group. The impulse of the group, whilst it has shifted slightly from homebirth to natural birth in all locations, is to provide a safe, held space for birthing mamas and papas to find a path for birth and parenting that feels authentic and nourishing for them and their baby.

We hold monthly workshops on a different topic each time: in the past some of the most energetic and engaging discussions have been around sex after birthing; nappy free/elimination communication; herbal remedies for families; art as a tool to prepare for birth, belly dancing for birth... some topics are highly practical, some are deeply emotive. Sometimes we have a guest speaker, and sometimes the magic resides in the wisdom of the group. All this is provided for just a five dollar donation per family- making this (r)evolutionary information available to all- and children and babies are of course most welcome.

I can remember the wonderful moment in my life that I found out the Bellingen Baby existing. My partner, tiny baby Bodhi and I were sitting at Riversong Cafe (the space which is now occupied by the Purple Carrot). We often came up to Bellingen for a day or two, knowing that it was our soul home and one day we would physically make the move here too. I wandered over to Kombu (which was where the Alternatives Bookshop is now) and perused the always interesting noticeboard outside.

And there it was, in all it's divine, hippy-esque beauty a flyer for Bellingen Baby. The topic for the month was The Moon as a Divine Metaphor for the Feminine, I think it was being run by Shekinhah. I was so excited, I yelped, and grabbed Zai, who, with a mouthful of food in his mouth and chatting to the waitress was a little non-plussed to be dragged from his seat, and showed him. There is a NATURAL BIRTH AND PARENTING GROUP HERE, we just didn't HAVE THIS KIND OF THING where we came from. AND IT HAPPENS EVERY MONTH. And this month they are TALKING ABOUT THE MOON AND FEMINITY. Holy crap, Zai, there are people TALKING MY LANGUAGE and they are RIGHT HERE IN THIS TOWN!!

Zai smiled, probably patted me on the head and went back to eating.

(Incedently, I missed that workshop, but we came up to Bellingen monthly after that, on the third Monday of the month, to go to Bello Baby...and when we finally did move to Bellingen about a year later, the VERY first things we did- like, twelve minutes after we arrived, was to go to a Bellingen Baby workshop. That one was on birth mandalas-- Creativity as a tool for birth-- and was run by the wise and respected Joie, the original founder of the homebirth group!)

And the great news is, Bellingen Baby is back this year...it kind of fell off the radar last year for me, in between all the other passions in my life. But the time has come to call the circle back in. We have some awesome women helping out this year (which I am really excited about) and I can just viscerally feel the potential for all those deep, rich, heart centred topics we will explore this year.

And so, I invite you to:

Bellingen Baby New Year Gathering

Bellies, babies, older children and families welcome

3pm Tuesday 13th January

Lavender's Bridge, Bellingen, North Side

Bring Your Ideas for topics to explore this year

Bring a plate, if you can manage it

For more info, call Sammi on 0418 950 793.

You can also join our Bellingen Baby facebook group here, and/or text me your email address and I will add you to the newsletter list. 

© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Word Medicine: Handmade Birth Journals

Blank canvas

This morning, whilst listening to the sweet deep sounds of divine feminine singer Peruquios, I am creating the most delicious gift for a mama I am having the honour of attending right now. She birthed a beautiful baby girl twelve days ago, and I have loved the process of prenatal, birth and postnatal doula work.

Word medicine from my own birth journal (a trilogy!)

As part of the Art of Sacred Postpartum training I am undertaking, we learn how to create handmade birth journals for our mamas. This activity resonated so deeply for me, for if I follow myself down to the very core of who I am, I am a story teller, and a holder of stories. There is a lyric from a Mama Kin song- My Friend that goes "You're the alchemist, you're the holder of so many stories, you grab the stars and light the way home,"

The cover of my own journal- Awakening, nourishment, trust: the shamanic, ecstatic birthings of Sammi Mirabai Seed

That's what I see as my medicine on this earth walk, the sacred path of helping people- and more specifically, birthing mamas- find their story, to sit in honour and nurturing and witness of that divine story; to help them find that point of alchemy where story becomes a source of strength and nourishment and growth for them.

So on this beautiful sunny summer morning, my partner and children out swimming at the Never Never (morning swims are their favourite!) I am crafting this birth journal for the mama. With my hands that seek to express the gentle love and care- and honour- I feel in my work, I take paints of oceanic hues that soothe her soul to colour the pages. I will scatter words that come to me from my work with her- arising, the art of grief, meeting each surge, sacred emergence, within the borders. I will paste in photos of her and her precious little one. I will draw a little. I will, in the back, write in the birth story from my perspective with all the amazement I held to witness her process. And most importantly, I will leave so many blank pages for her to write her own birth story, to give life to and integrate that story that had become such an integral part of her psyche.

Birth mandalas are the title page for each child's birth story

Here are some photos from the journal I made for myself- because, of course, until I have fully lived the lesson myself I am not equipped to pass it onto others.

Evocative pictures

How did you creatively celebrate and integrate your birthings? How do the pictures here make you feel?

© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Today's Beauty Way Invitation: One Small Piece of Gorgeousness

In the Sacred Living Movement, we talk often of the Beauty Way of living. Simply put, it's a way of being present to our lives, and how we can deeply nourish ourselves and those around us by consciously bringing beauty to our internal and external spaces.

The Beauty Way is one of the greatest lessons, both for birth work, and for motherhood- and yes, for ALL of my crazy, full, gorgeous, blessed life- from working and learning through Sacred Pregnancy. It's something I come back to again and again.

Today, it's time to offer a little challenge- no, an invitation. This is for you, if you already walk in the Beauty Way. It's also for you if you've never thought or heard of the Beauty Way before. It's especially for you if you consciously or unconsciously are repelled to the concept of beauty, because hell, it is a concept that has been so twisted by our mainstream culture (if this is you, try this: what is one item I could place in my space, or on my body, that would open my heart a little more? That's all. Be gentle. This is your work alone).

So here is my invitation:

What is ONE SMALL THING you can do, right now, in the busiest spot of your home, to bring in walking in the Beauty Way?

Some ideas:

*Lighting your favourite incense in the entry way\
*Making your bed neatly and lovingly
*Placing flowers in the kitchen

Then, what is ONE SMALL THING you can do, right now, to nurture your own body in beauty?

Some ideas:

*Make a simple body scrub from raw sugar and coconut oil, and exfoliate your skin
*Pick a flower and put it in your hair (a great activity to share with little ones!)
*Stop and STREEETCH and find your favourite yoga position.

Here's my little beauty way moment, inspired by a line in this awesome India.Arie song...

"Sometimes I shave my legs, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I comb my hair, and sometimes I won't. Depending on the way the wind blows, I might even paint my toes..."

Painting my toenails...and my, didn't they look sweet with my favourite shoes and my new wrap skirt...

Okay...now go and do it! Get your Beauty Way on, and post a pic in the comments! Enjoy!

Silence and the Art of Holding Space

Silence is profound, and paradoxically, one of the most fundamental and effective components of listening.

When I speak of listening, I do not mean the unconcious listening that pervades much of the day- simply tuning in (or tuning out) to auditory stimulation. Instead, I mean the deep stepping in and heart opening that occurs when one sits as witness and container for another's expression.

Listening, in the true meaning of the word, is

Respectful
Without judgement
Compassionate
Facilitates the speaker to move onto the next stage of the process
An encounter with both self, and other; as well as that beyond the individual

To be silent, however, is such a key component. Not just silent of word, but silent of the mental chatter that clogs up our communication channels and seperates us right at the moment we intend to connect. Silence shifts us from mind space to heart space, and to body space, and the profound knowledge that lies there.

SIlence allows the speaker to follow their thread of consciousness where it is longing to go, and then gently, or abruptly, falls into an abyss.

That abyss is interesting. Apparently, it takes eighteen seconds from the start of silence, to come to a deeper awareness of what is going on underneath what has already been spoken. Eighteen seconds to gain an insight, eighteen seconds to become aware of a new facet of the issue, eighteen seconds to drop down.

How often do we give ourselves, or others, eighteen seconds?

This eighteen seconds has implications in so many areas. The lovers that find space to truly hear each other and break down the build up of patterning and habit; the parent that holds space for the child to voice some deep fears or let go of some cathartic tears. I can see immense implications for my work in counselling, and in birth work, especially in the very special time I spend with clients pre and post natally. It's such a charged, frenetic and emotional time; that conscious silence, well, it makes all the difference.

Let silence do the heavy lifting in your life, today. What does it manifest?




These reflections were inspired by the first day of Robyn Sheldon's doula workshop here in Bellingen. To know more about Robyn's work, have a look here. 

Sweet Dreams, My Children

There's a point in my day that always brings me to my heart: peace, softness and an expansive love that rejuvenates and replenishes, no matter how the family dynamics may have scuttled me earlier. It's the time, when I am sitting with my children as they fall sleep, a baby on each side, and my big boy up in his bunk bed beside us. I might hear a gentle snoring, or a child chatting softly to herself, I might see the dreamy gaze of those tired eyes, or feel the snuggliness of a little one finding just that right position under the covers.

Rhythm is a vibrant thread in our family tapestry, and given the above, one of the parts of family rhythm I find most nourishing is the bedtime rhythm. I'll share our bedtime here with you.

We start with a verse for moving to the bedroom together. There is a little candle glowing, and the lights are dimmed. The pyjamas are in the bedtime bags hung from the end of the bed and promptly put on, the beds are made, and hot water bottles await little bodies to warm. Who does all this, without the children realising it? Little fairies of course (or, perhaps Mama does it whilst the children were playing!).

Good Fairy, take me by the hand

And guide me to the Promised Land

Stars sing to me, while I'm asleep

Your gentle watch, forever keep,

So I may wake through all my days, 

I will follow Spirit's ways. 

After the children and I are in our pyjamas, there is some turn taking: a breastfeed for each of the babies, and a nice long cuddle with my big boy. We do this one at a time, so I can get some precious one on one time in. Whilst this is happening, the child who was 'Special Helper' that day chooses our bedtime story, and there is also usually some running and falling onto beds- until Mama reminds those cheeky little children that it is quiet time now!

We all snuggle up in one bed and read the chosen story, and at the moment, a page from a longer book. Then I sing: 

Who is ready for their rainbow?

Each of my children have a rainbow bunny rug from when they were little babies. I tuck them into bed, and lay the rainbow over the top of them one by one, singing:

Go to sleep now, precious (child's name)

Night is falling blue and deep

Stars are bright, and angels carry

Down from heaven, holy sleep

Slumber sweetly, dearest (child's name)

Night has come so blue and deep

Weaving dreams of silver starlight

Angels guide thy holy sleep

(Both these songs came from a little book of bedtime verses from my local Steiner playgroup, although I altered the first one a little to suit our spiritual needs. )

Some nights, but not often, my middle child will stay in her bed (and also giggling, ask for me to sing the lullaby to whatever toy she has chosen the special honour of sleeping with her that night!) Mostly, though, she will sneak into my bed whilst I sing to my littlest, so I have those two precious little ones on either side of me, or on my lap, or snuggled in my arms. 

Once they are all settled, I sing the Gayatri Mantra three times, their signal and invitation to deep, sweet slumbers. And then I sit there, in my mama bliss, soaking up the energy and presence of my children, without the demands, the dynamics and the "doing" that can distract us all from who they really are.

 

Birth Doula Training Workshop- Mama Bamba

 

The flyer says it all really!

I have felt very called to be a part of this workshop, and things have fallen into place for me to attend. The women who have already committed to attend are an amazing bunch of women, and this will be a very special circle. 

 If you do attend, can you please let Robyn now I sent you!

With My Body I Speak the Truth of Birth: Jaiya's Birth Story

My little girl- my middle child, recently turned three. To honour that, here is her birth story, the first of many to come on Sacred Whisper Bellingen. 

On Jaiya's birthday, we took her to feed and connect with a friend's horse, at her request. She also went canoeing, ate cake, and discovered the fine art of using a walkie talkie.

 

Was it all for this? To travel through four years of healing from Bodhi’s birth, delving into my soul to nurture those broken parts of me; ten months of wonderfully delicious pregnancy, setting intentions, connecting with my baby and nourishing both of us on; and many blissful hours of early labour - just to come back to this dark place? Surely it cannot be.

It is late in the afternoon, and I am labouring hard. My pulse beats robustly with the strength and intensity of this pain, this task. I find myself no longer saying I can, embracing and being present with each expansion, using my voice to ride with the sensations of birthing. I lose myself. 

I am pleading now, please take me to hospital, please give me pain relief. I cannot bear the physicality of this experience anymore, and this is now reflected in my mental and emotional being. I feel desperate, empty. I feel like no one in the room is truly hearing how bad this is for me. I believe deeply that I cannot do this, and that no one else shares this belief is the ultimate loneliness for me. That aloneness, these travails, brings me straight back to Bodhi’s birth. Transcendent trauma. History repeating. 

Most of all, I feel a sense of betraying myself for harbouring these feelings within me.

Before this, in the deepest hours of night’s darkness. Two nights ago, I labour overnight, after many days of surrendering to the ebb and flow of a body and heart approaching labour. I realise the truth that this ebb and flow- the contractions that would come and go, the mental readiness I felt, or not- was a mechanism that would ensure that once I truly did enter labour, I would be undoubtedly ready and would embrace it with all of my being. 

That first night of labour is bliss. On a physical level, I could actually feel the opening of my womb with each expansion. It was not a painful feeling at all, but a pleasurable one, and even in those early hours, as it became clear that yes, this was labour, I felt the peak and rhythm of each one, like a wave. A few seconds before each one, I would feel a tingling, like excitement, and energy spiralling into me. I felt alive in every cell and totally inward. 

The sacred life within. Pregnant with Jaiya, body painting whilst flooded in a couple of weeks before she was born.

With each expansion, my mantra was this:

I am opening in sweet surrender

To the beautiful baby inside my womb

I am opening in sweet surrender

To the beautiful baby inside my womb

I am opening

I am opening

I am opening

I am opening

Bodhi wakes and lies with me, I hold him as I labour. Zai lights the fire, it feels to me like he is standing guard. Then we all sleep again. 

The contractions stop at dawn and return two nights later. Again, bliss. I do reiki on baby and me, speak softly to reassure her in the midst of the fear I sense she holds. I see her clearly in these dark hours, a vital and lovely newborn girl, red and healthy. 

Feeling completely whole in my energy system, and that of my little baby, we journey on. With every expansion I felt the energy of the universe spiralling into me, and then dispersing back out. It was ecstatic, expansive, open. Incredible. 

I have created the perfect birthing nest- dark, private, warm and quiet. By candle and firelight, in my bed bedecked in muslin curtains, as my family sleeps and the wind howls outside, I labour. 

This birthing continuum- the sacred cycle from calling this baby into my womb, through conscious conception, a pregnancy filled with yoga and art and stillness and love, and into the bliss and tribulation of labour and further through into the baby’s emergence into the world- has brought me into alignment with the pure woman who lies inside. The archetypal woman in all of us, Great Mother, Ever-loving partner, Creative consciousness and being. 

Part of this initiation lies within Bodhi’s birth, and perhaps more importantly, choosing to do everything to heal those wounds rather than allowing them to remain stagnant and hurt me more. Part of the initiation comes from moving to Bellingen, and the energies of transformation and growth that both this land, and the community I find myself within, moves within me. Some of it comes from my work with women, and the psyche. But all of this is just the path- the initiation truly springs from the seed inside all of us, the feminine energies who yearn to grow.

As the sun rises, again my contractions leave. We journey down to the farmer’s markets. I feel Birth still dwelling beside me, and before long I am rolling with the waves of blissful expansions again. This is transcendent. 

I start to feel an altered sense of reality. Like I am much, much taller, and feeling dizzy. I see people in the crowd. All these people from the community that I am so connected to, this beautiful community, this sacred land, the band playing a song about the pureness of a beautiful day. For a little while I dance. I am at the centre of it all. And at the centre of me, my baby. 

The expansions are coming swiftly now, so we retreat.

Later, the sensations now painful. I sit in our hammock, rocking gently with each expansion. I chant a few long oms with each surge and stare out over the valley and the ridge; the beautiful verdant green landscape that grounds me and reminds me of the web of life I am part of. At the end of each expansion, I whisper Om Jaiya. In between, I listen to the sound of Zai chopping wood such an earthy, homey sound that reassures me of the natural process I am in, and fills me with love and gratitude for my ever-loving man.

Later again, retreating from the expansiveness of the veranda to the shower. 

In my dozy, trance state, I notice two daddy long legs spiders climbing up the shower wall, trying to avoid the stream of water. I feel a connection to these spiders, and an incredible compassion for them. 

I also remember a conversation that I had with my doula some weeks ago- that birth is a verb- the “giving” part of giving birth is the most important way to help birth flow easily. If we as women can be focused on what we are giving to our baby- the immense act of love, and allowing ourselves to go through such a challenging, painful event- as well as keeping the love flowing from us to our partners, children and others in the birth space- we will be less engaged with the physical pain, and come from a frame of mind more apt to deal with it well. 

So those spiders mean a lot. At this moment, that’s where my love flows. One by one, I let them crawl onto my hand, and place them safely on the window sill, where they can continue their creation of intricate webs and whatever else it is that spiders spend their time on in peace. 

Later again, surrendering to the intensity and immersing myself in the relief of the warm birth pool. As the intensity begins to bear down on me again, I look up at the ceiling of the yurt. On one panel, in the knots and natural patterning in the timber, I see a goddess in woman form, with two circles of light at each hand- her children. I am that goddess woman, mama of two children, one being born as I watched. That goddess looks over me all afternoon- it was now well past midday- and I fix my gaze on her many times as the afternoon ages. 

I am aware of Zai, Bodhi, my doula and midwife moving around me, but I begin to feel further and further away from them. And I feel myself begin to disintegrate, an urge to scream and complain about the pain, a rebelling against the process.

Was it all to come to this? All my preparation, my healing, my intentions are lead to this, and still this outcome, this trauma. 

I cannot accept this. 

Is this the surrender and letting go I never truly could conceptualise before this moment? The course is set now, there is nothing I can do but endure.

But there is something. I can bring myself back into strength, mentally. I know when I look back on this birth, this is the moment I will most regret or celebrate- that point in time where I could lose myself forever in the trauma, or whilst acknowledging it’s message about the strength of my labour- the very strength that comes from me- is equalled and countered by the strength of who I am at my deepest core. 

So I start in a small way. On finding myself shaking my head with the onset of the pain, I instead nod. 

I say yes. 

I smile. 

I stop myself from complaining verbally, and instead harness that energy back into my toning.

I connect with my baby, rub my belly.

And things begin to shift. The greater part of me, the wise woman, the ancient, rises above the part of me that is already done in and cannot go further. 

And in the stage of bringing my baby down, I witness an amazing transformation in my body. The urge- the full engagement of my body into pushing moves so powerfully through me that I have no fear when it takes a little longer than expected for her to crown. Still great pain, and tiredness, and a rushing pulse, and perhaps most acutely discomfort from kneeling on the soft bottom of the birth pool for so long.

I can feel my baby now, when I reach a finger up, she is right there. Right there, just an inch or two from my vulva. My baby, so close. 

And then, the feeling of the stretch of the vulva and perineum. Not as intense as I would have thought. I can feel the expansion, but the pain is lost in feelings of love and anticipation. 

The head emerges halfway but retreats back in again. Zai holds my hands. The head emerges again and remains out. My midwife says the baby will now turn and the shoulders will come out one at a time. I feel the surge approaching. 

This was it- the moment of truth. Shoulder dystocia, all my fears around having a big baby- all of this was about to either happen or not. The moment of truth, in experiencing and exploring this fear and the meanings of it, the most significant moment of my pregnancy and perhaps my life. 

I summon all my strength and open to birth’s path. This was it- the moment I was pure woman, pure mama. 

The expansion begins to fade. I reassure myself, the shoulders sometimes take a contraction or two to come out. It is not an emergency yet. I am totally in the moment, not fear. 

“Keep going!” The midwife exclaims from the mists of the fading expansion. “It’s just the body to go!”

The moment of truth- the shoulders were born with such ease I didn’t even realise it! 

A second of deep surprise and back into my womanly giving. I push, so hard but at the same time so effortlessly, and feel the most amazing, vivid, shifting feeling ever- my baby emerges completely, slides out of my body, and into a world surrounded in light. 

The sun has set.

A most amazingly perfect moment in both our lives, and the photo that captures me better than any other. Birthing Jaiya at the yurt in Kalang, 2011

And then, I take her through the water and into my arms. Oh my God. My little one, my little baby, here, alive, with me. She looks straight into my eyes with a look of awe and surprise.

 She is here. She is here. All there is, is her. The weight of her, the slippery feel of vernix. Her presence. 

“You’re here,” I whisper. “Welcome, little one, your birth journey is over.”

It is Bodhi’s presence I am first aware of outside of the sacred cocoon of baby and me. He comes to my side, amazed, looking at the baby. A minute or less has passed since the birth, and baby has not yet cried or taken breath. 

“The baby needs you to call him in, Bodhi” I say. “You stroke his head; tell him how much you love him.”

Bodhi reaches out and strokes the wet hair of the baby, whispers, “I love you.” The baby squirms, and then starts to cry. Loud, lusty cries, which I speak to soothingly. “It’s okay, you’ve had such a big journey. You are here now, you are safe in mama’s arms, I am your mama.”

The baby cries on until I offer a breast, and she latches on easily. I invite Bodhi into the pool, and swiftly he takes off his clothes and jumps in. I am holding my two little one, mama in bliss. Baby suckles easily and lovingly.

Little Jaiya and her milky friends, an ongoing relationship!

We soon discover, to my delight, she is a girl. A moment of surprise for the others, because despite my visions and intuition, I had expressed that I thought she was a boy after birth.

In a quiet, private moment by the fire, Zai and I name our little girl Jaiya Indali Samara Cambray. 

In the hours and days that follow, the birth settles into me. At first I feel battered, drained emotionally and physically, raw. But at the same time, euphoria as I spend hours gazing into Jaiya’s eyes. This love and bond that is blossoming opens the path for euphoria of birth- that I come to experience the full and complete satisfaction of birthing my baby lovingly at home, birthing after a caesarean, at forty two weeks to a ‘large’ baby. I had conquered so many demons and listened to that inner voice that told me to simply trust, love, and birth.

The story weaves itself into my psyche. 

In the weeks that follow, I have reframed the disappointment I held in myself for the way I experienced transition as gratefulness for the complete disintegration and reprogramming of myself that happened therein, and deciding not to choose the path of trauma as in Bodhi’s birth, but to uncover untold wellsprings of womanly strength.

This birth is the ultimate resetting. I completely countered and brought to an end the belief and pattern that I do not bring my intentions to fruition in my life. I birthed with the deepest authenticity to my beliefs about birth as initiation, as an act of love, as natural and sacred. I see in myself a greater sense of self confidence, as a greater presence as a mama. 

My little girl has gifted me all this. And I love her, so deeply, and so completely. Om Jaiya!

Do you have a birth story you would like to share on Sacred Whisper Bellingen? I intend to make this website a repository for the honouring, celebrating and exploring of birth stories, both the positive and the negative, in the context of all that birth can be for us, as mothers, babies and humanity. Email me at sacredwhisperbellingen at gmail.com to share! 

© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Call

Send SMS

Add to Skype

You'll need Skype CreditFree via Skype