When a Baby Dies Workshop

WHEN A BABY DIES // WORKSHOP FACILITATED BY DENISE LOVE //

 THURSDAY 27TH APRIL 9.30 - 2.30

Motherhood is a fundamentally emotional journey. It is impossible to separate the rich, raw feelings of being a mama from the role of being a mother itself.

When a baby dies, the tragic reality of the loss is overwhelming. Whether it be a miscarriage, an abortion, a stillbirth or a neonatal birth, the promise of motherhood is shattered and the mother, her partner and family face a new, very demanding path: bereavement. Whilst this path can only be walked by them, they should never walk it unsupported.

And yet our culture often fails in supporting bereaved women and their families and loved ones appropriately: not because we don't want to-- the outpouring of love to these families is often strong and visible. Instead, we, as a culture, have multiple barriers to offering that support: a taboo around death (especially that of a baby), a lack of awareness of the practical and emotional issues that co-exist with bereavement, especially when a baby is involved; and not being equipped with tools that can help the mother experience her grief and find her new normal in working with her loss.

This one day workshop aims to help bridge that gap in dealing with the death of a baby: to actively create a space where the mother and father/partner feel held and support people and birthworkers can find the language and gestures to support them in moving into and through the sadness.

The workshop is for anyone who has had a baby die, experienced a stillbirth or miscarriage, or who has had an abortion. Birth workers will benefit from sitting in circle and hearing stories and sharing the experiences they have had. We will look at the challenges we face in handling a little body, green funerals and rituals that may help with grief.

"When a Baby Dies" is facilitated by Denise Love, a birth and death Doula trainer. Denise has been working with birth for a number of decades, including the last few years in Cambodia. She empowers communities by running doula training in both rural and city settings, and also integrates into her work the important task of lovingly supporting people who are coming to the end of their lives. She runs LifeOptions as well as Women's Health Cambodia, a non profit organisation that helps bring safe birth to women in remote villages in Cambodia.

The "When a Baby Dies" workshop will be held on Thursday 27th April from 9.30am to 2.30pm in Bellingen (venue TBA). The cost of the workshop is $90 and payment plans are available. Snacks will be provided, please bring a plate to share for lunch.

To book into the workshop, or for any enquiries, please contact me on 0418950793 or email earthysammi@gmail.com

Copyright Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2017

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and is the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Shakti Energy Flowing

.... where the dynamics of the creativity of mothering, and the creativity that flows further afield from my tribe intersects.


A year and a half ago, I was in a sweet place. My youngest was growing slowly into a deeper sense of independance, our family moved to the most gorgeous mudbrick palace out in the bush, and my work was feeding me (if not literally, at least metaphorically). I was studying holistic postpartum care, was working with lots of clients in my counselling practice, and attended my first birth as a doula. The fine threads of my passions and skills and knowledge were being woven together into a tapestry that was my medicine, my soul work in the world.


And then, as life does, the illusion of being centred and in control was firmly tested. In the most delicious, joyful and heart opening way.

Along came Quilla! A baby who came with a quiet sense of knowing and determination, as one years ended and I set my heart to intentions and beginnings and renewal. A surprise baby, but so loved. My fourth.

The Birth of Quilla

Those precious fleeting newborn weeks

So that divine energy went inward again, it was a tricky pregnancy and took a lot of focus. Work could wait. These precious experiences of carrying my youngest child couldn't. Those experiences are, perhaps, a story for another day. But at the heart of it all, was the gorgeous yumminess of the life created. A birth that tested me on all levels and reaffirmed everything I believed in, and then taught me about my own power and endurance I always had within. The most delicious babymooning. Hours of gazing, of her deeply sleeping form on my chest. Of midnight snuggles and midday giggles (and often the other way around).

Quilla is seven months old now- divine little being.

Joy is her natural state

The Shakti energy never stays inward in me and my mothering for long though. I am a deeply introverted person, but also a woman of paradox... creativity channelled outwards is my most nourishing source of the sweet nectar of life. Quilla's birth has brought me, a little surprisingly, a greater sense of energy and vitality with which to meet the Shakti creativity in me. Many nights have been spent writing or working on various other projects of mine. The shift has been made, and it is time to work a little of my medicine again.

Find your medicine and use it!- Nahko Bear

With that comes a call for mindfulness, of course. My priority is the welbeing, safeguarding and nurturing of my children (and myself). I fully realise and attune to the responsibility to work in a way that nourishes both me, and my children, individually and as a tribe. One part of my awareness needs to be on this every day; a reflectiveness that will aid both my work and my mothering. For now, work needs to be predictable: no leaving the house at short notice in the middle of the after school rush to attend a birth for me! Rhythms, schedules, start times and end times... they are all a good thing right now.

These four are my compass and my heart

There's also a refreshing degree of freedom in this, as I am able to choose what serves me best and inspires me most, rather than going for what will make the most for the family financially. It's a time to hone and explore and play as well as work.

And so I move back to my work with Sacred Pregnancy. This blog, a perfect little project for my Gemini soul. During Quilla's pregnancy I undertook training in Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma (which is one of my most passionate areas to work in), and am very close to piloting a six week course that is a combination of the Sacred Loss work and my own processes. (Stay tuned for more info).

I am now a qualified Healing Birth Trauma circle leader for Sacred Pregnancy

I am currently training in Sacred Beginnings, an eight week course to nurture mamas and their new little earthside babies. I will also be finishing my study on the Art of Sacred Post Partum (holistic postnatal care), and will soon begin training in running Blessingways/Mama Blessings... I've got my eye on Birth Journey courses, work with chakras and crystals and ceremonies and ritual for honouring babies.

There is also something very, VERY special coming up in March next year which I can't wait to talk about!

This is all a part of that tapestry that is coming back together in my life... one with four children now, with writing, counselling, doula work and holistic birth education. One where I live in a gorgeous soulful town, where sitting on the earth is great nourishment, where I am overcome with laughter or tears with my soul sisters and friends, where my children play up the street and go to the most amazing school and where my lover and I connect and bicker and make love and hang out washing together and drink far too much coffee together.

It's a beautiful life.

If you would like more information on the Healing Birth Trauma course, or any of my work, please call me on 0418950793 or email earthysammi@gmail.com

Let's start a discussion! What are your creative outlets? How does this intersect, or diverge, from your parenting?

Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Bellingen Baby- Natural Birth and Parenting Support Group

A few years ago, I was humbled to take on a most honouring role: the coordinator of Bellingen Baby, our local natural birth and parenting support group. I was handed the role by the most amazing and inspiring woman: Mieke. Mieke runs Love to Birth doula services, and is studying and raising a large and vibrant brood of children. When it was time to take the role on, I took in, in trembling, but excited hands.

The Bellingen Baby logo 

Bellingen Baby is a group that was created many years ago- I think we are around the three decade mark, I would have been just a little cherubic bub myself when those first women were gathering in circle- as the Mid North Coast Homebirth Support Group. The impulse of the group, whilst it has shifted slightly from homebirth to natural birth in all locations, is to provide a safe, held space for birthing mamas and papas to find a path for birth and parenting that feels authentic and nourishing for them and their baby.

We hold monthly workshops on a different topic each time: in the past some of the most energetic and engaging discussions have been around sex after birthing; nappy free/elimination communication; herbal remedies for families; art as a tool to prepare for birth, belly dancing for birth... some topics are highly practical, some are deeply emotive. Sometimes we have a guest speaker, and sometimes the magic resides in the wisdom of the group. All this is provided for just a five dollar donation per family- making this (r)evolutionary information available to all- and children and babies are of course most welcome.

I can remember the wonderful moment in my life that I found out the Bellingen Baby existing. My partner, tiny baby Bodhi and I were sitting at Riversong Cafe (the space which is now occupied by the Purple Carrot). We often came up to Bellingen for a day or two, knowing that it was our soul home and one day we would physically make the move here too. I wandered over to Kombu (which was where the Alternatives Bookshop is now) and perused the always interesting noticeboard outside.

And there it was, in all it's divine, hippy-esque beauty a flyer for Bellingen Baby. The topic for the month was The Moon as a Divine Metaphor for the Feminine, I think it was being run by Shekinhah. I was so excited, I yelped, and grabbed Zai, who, with a mouthful of food in his mouth and chatting to the waitress was a little non-plussed to be dragged from his seat, and showed him. There is a NATURAL BIRTH AND PARENTING GROUP HERE, we just didn't HAVE THIS KIND OF THING where we came from. AND IT HAPPENS EVERY MONTH. And this month they are TALKING ABOUT THE MOON AND FEMINITY. Holy crap, Zai, there are people TALKING MY LANGUAGE and they are RIGHT HERE IN THIS TOWN!!

Zai smiled, probably patted me on the head and went back to eating.

(Incedently, I missed that workshop, but we came up to Bellingen monthly after that, on the third Monday of the month, to go to Bello Baby...and when we finally did move to Bellingen about a year later, the VERY first things we did- like, twelve minutes after we arrived, was to go to a Bellingen Baby workshop. That one was on birth mandalas-- Creativity as a tool for birth-- and was run by the wise and respected Joie, the original founder of the homebirth group!)

And the great news is, Bellingen Baby is back this year...it kind of fell off the radar last year for me, in between all the other passions in my life. But the time has come to call the circle back in. We have some awesome women helping out this year (which I am really excited about) and I can just viscerally feel the potential for all those deep, rich, heart centred topics we will explore this year.

And so, I invite you to:

Bellingen Baby New Year Gathering

Bellies, babies, older children and families welcome

3pm Tuesday 13th January

Lavender's Bridge, Bellingen, North Side

Bring Your Ideas for topics to explore this year

Bring a plate, if you can manage it

For more info, call Sammi on 0418 950 793.

You can also join our Bellingen Baby facebook group here, and/or text me your email address and I will add you to the newsletter list. 

© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Word Medicine: Handmade Birth Journals

Blank canvas

This morning, whilst listening to the sweet deep sounds of divine feminine singer Peruquios, I am creating the most delicious gift for a mama I am having the honour of attending right now. She birthed a beautiful baby girl twelve days ago, and I have loved the process of prenatal, birth and postnatal doula work.

Word medicine from my own birth journal (a trilogy!)

As part of the Art of Sacred Postpartum training I am undertaking, we learn how to create handmade birth journals for our mamas. This activity resonated so deeply for me, for if I follow myself down to the very core of who I am, I am a story teller, and a holder of stories. There is a lyric from a Mama Kin song- My Friend that goes "You're the alchemist, you're the holder of so many stories, you grab the stars and light the way home,"

The cover of my own journal- Awakening, nourishment, trust: the shamanic, ecstatic birthings of Sammi Mirabai Seed

That's what I see as my medicine on this earth walk, the sacred path of helping people- and more specifically, birthing mamas- find their story, to sit in honour and nurturing and witness of that divine story; to help them find that point of alchemy where story becomes a source of strength and nourishment and growth for them.

So on this beautiful sunny summer morning, my partner and children out swimming at the Never Never (morning swims are their favourite!) I am crafting this birth journal for the mama. With my hands that seek to express the gentle love and care- and honour- I feel in my work, I take paints of oceanic hues that soothe her soul to colour the pages. I will scatter words that come to me from my work with her- arising, the art of grief, meeting each surge, sacred emergence, within the borders. I will paste in photos of her and her precious little one. I will draw a little. I will, in the back, write in the birth story from my perspective with all the amazement I held to witness her process. And most importantly, I will leave so many blank pages for her to write her own birth story, to give life to and integrate that story that had become such an integral part of her psyche.

Birth mandalas are the title page for each child's birth story

Here are some photos from the journal I made for myself- because, of course, until I have fully lived the lesson myself I am not equipped to pass it onto others.

Evocative pictures

How did you creatively celebrate and integrate your birthings? How do the pictures here make you feel?

© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

The Art of Spew- Memoirs of a Vomit Bug

I have this knack for manifesting exactly what I need right now. Sitting on the verandah floor, (and a too much information warning coming up!) throwing up into an old red  bucket which I grasp with one arm, and holding my other hand out to catch the vomit spewing out of my littlest one's mouth, a bewildered and shocked look on his face... I am okay with this, I thought. Just please, let it be quick. Intense, and quick.

And quick- and intense- was what I got. By the time my partner came home on the mercy dash, having got the dreaded text message an hour earlier, I was just about purged. He found me slumped on the front step, where I had landed a while before, and I was unable to move. So exhausted from the full body engagement of letting go, from helping the baby through his ordeal, cleaning him up, me up, the space up... He smiled sympathically and went to find our little one, who was by now happily playing with his brother and sister.

 Three hours, fourteen vomits, and I was done. I finally managed to crawl into the shower, and allowed myself to crouch under those precious drops for a long time, threw up once more, and fell naked and cold into bed. My biggest little one came in a few minutes later, and pulled a blanket over me, and took the message to his dad that I wanted ginger tea. In his own beautiful caring way, he brought me some slivers of ginger he had cut to chew on, and my daughter (who had been in the throes of the bug two days prior) came and lay with me, whispering "I know, I know."

Whenever I have a vomit bug, I can feel the parallels between giving birth and throwing up. Both are all consuming, when they get to that point of full bodily engagement. In both, our verbosity rendered less of a tool- but our voices can be amazingly healing (I am a noisy birther, and noisy moaner when sick). Both show us the power and totality of our bodies ability to do whatever it needs to do to get the process done, no matter how we feel about the process.

Knowing this ( a lesson from previous bugs) I wanted to go deeper. Can I touch some of that special place we go to inside of ourselves, that trancy, magic space of birth, amidst all this bodily discomfort and yuckiness? The big words inside my head was : GO WITH YOUR INSTINCT.

And for me, that was the point of letting go. Even when I am sick, I think I try to hold onto things- ensure my children are okay, and reassuring them I am okay (they have a fascination with watching me spew, as I am sure many people do). Washing out and then rinsing the bucket after every spew. Taking small sips of water after every spew.

This time, I didn't. Short of making sure Koa was laying down next to me on a towel wherever I ended up (in his less chirpy moments) and doing what I needed to do to support him, I let all of this go. I went to the spots of the house I needed to. The front steps and the breeze and openness there was right for me- even though my vomity aria was probably an unwelcome soundscape to the neighbours across the gully. I didn't get up to clean up, and totally surrendered to that feeling of being wiped out. I adamantly felt not to put anything in my stomach, not even a sip of water. This process needed to be a complete and pure purge- something needed to come out, beyond the physical, and I needed to allow the space for that.

I found myself staring at trees, (as I often do in labour), feeling their strength and their eternity. I breathed into this amazing feeling of transcendance. Yes, the awful nausea and dizziness and pain was there- but so too was acceptance, gratitude and beauty.

And when I finally collapsed into bed, still sick but knowing the vomiting was done, it was blissful and pure and transcedent too. Even though two days later I still feel a little sick, and incredibly tired and run down, there is thankfulness.

Yesterday, my husband returned to work, but two hours later than usual on a Sunday morning, and that was so recuperative for me. The children and I spent a day snuggled up on the bed in the spare room (where I had slept the night before, my little retreat nest), reading, or cuddling. I was still feeling so weak. I dipped into a book that was visually and mentally soothing and inspiring for me, and felt that this is where the real gold is.

In my family, we have a rhythm: for every sick day, we take a recovery day. A day off too nourish, nurture, come back to ourselves. Now this doesn't often happen easily for me, being a mama as I am, with a house to clean, children to feed, sibling fights (oh, the endless sibling fights!) to mediate...But I was able to get a sense of it, the gold that the recovery time holds. It's not the purging itself, or the illness that holds the healing (or not primarily, perhaps), but the space afterwards. If I am still, and sit with it, I can feel the light entering each cell. I notice the way I relate to the children is gentler, and more conscious. I find myself visioning what I want to bring more of into my life, how that would look and feel. Gladly letting go of that which does not serve.

If I could truly hold and honour that healing time for myself, how would I grow and evolve? And if I could facilitate that quiet, magic time for my children, how beautifully would they blossom?

That is my intention I hold up today: that I may truly honour the recovery time.

I have a clear sense of what that means to me in this moment: a little writing (done!) some rest in a cool, tidy room (I will gift myself that five minutes of tidying) and a nourishing juice or smoothie to build me up nutritionally. So a morning off work to dive into healing space- awaits!

Manifesting A New Nest

For the past two and a half years, my family and I have been incredibly blessed to live in a rambling bush house at the base of Nungali, the sacred Gumbaingirr mountain. The house was, a couple of decades ago, part of Satyananda Yoga ashram, and is part of a group of earthy times homes sprinkled up the lower reaches of the mountain. My children and I played in the bamboo forest, by the creeks edge, ate fruit straight from the trees...it has been magic.

Pictures of our current nest

But now it is time to move on. The landlord is ready to move back into the bosom of this beautiful house, and it's time for my nomadic family to pack up and find somewhere new. It's sad to go, but it's also exciting, to see where that deep, resonant and unmistakable call of the land takes us to. The land drawing us in- that is something I really believe in.

On the new moon just past (it was also our oldest son's birthday, for a little extra magical potency), we gathered our children, some paper, pens, dreams and hopes and visioned what we wanted this time around. With consciousness and clarity, we spoke it out into this sacred land we live on. What manifests will be a perfect reflection of this, as filtered by what we all need now on our Earth Walk.

Here's a little of what we called upon:

on healing land/high vibrations
cheap rent
bedroom/s that connect us
on a well functioning, beautiful and joyful MO or community
a healthy house- no mould etc
sanctuary space
a bath
tipi/yurt/belle tent
stairs that go down into a room of my own (that was our oldest son)
stairs that go down into a room of my own, with a high butterfly bed, and fairies (that was our daughter)
oven and stove
space for an outside/verandah bed
outside bathroom and kitchen
close to Chrysalis Steiner School
close to a daycare or preschool option
cool architecture
easy maintenance
cosy and efficient fireplace
tin roof (for the rain sounds!)
beautiful, heart expanding views
space for my heart work (me)
fireflies
in the rainforest
fig tree
beautiful waterhole nearby
as much off the grid as possible
specifically, places- Martells Road, Freida Hicks Drive/Nungali, on the Never Never, Darkwood Road, Kalang Road, Roses Road or in town

Dropping deeper, I visioned what makes a home space a heart space
love
emotional transparency
deep listening
the holding of space
gentle, conscious and creative parenting
connection to the earth
belonging
holistic
sustainable

I look forward to writing about what manifests for us!

Today's Beauty Way Invitation: One Small Piece of Gorgeousness

In the Sacred Living Movement, we talk often of the Beauty Way of living. Simply put, it's a way of being present to our lives, and how we can deeply nourish ourselves and those around us by consciously bringing beauty to our internal and external spaces.

The Beauty Way is one of the greatest lessons, both for birth work, and for motherhood- and yes, for ALL of my crazy, full, gorgeous, blessed life- from working and learning through Sacred Pregnancy. It's something I come back to again and again.

Today, it's time to offer a little challenge- no, an invitation. This is for you, if you already walk in the Beauty Way. It's also for you if you've never thought or heard of the Beauty Way before. It's especially for you if you consciously or unconsciously are repelled to the concept of beauty, because hell, it is a concept that has been so twisted by our mainstream culture (if this is you, try this: what is one item I could place in my space, or on my body, that would open my heart a little more? That's all. Be gentle. This is your work alone).

So here is my invitation:

What is ONE SMALL THING you can do, right now, in the busiest spot of your home, to bring in walking in the Beauty Way?

Some ideas:

*Lighting your favourite incense in the entry way\
*Making your bed neatly and lovingly
*Placing flowers in the kitchen

Then, what is ONE SMALL THING you can do, right now, to nurture your own body in beauty?

Some ideas:

*Make a simple body scrub from raw sugar and coconut oil, and exfoliate your skin
*Pick a flower and put it in your hair (a great activity to share with little ones!)
*Stop and STREEETCH and find your favourite yoga position.

Here's my little beauty way moment, inspired by a line in this awesome India.Arie song...

"Sometimes I shave my legs, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I comb my hair, and sometimes I won't. Depending on the way the wind blows, I might even paint my toes..."

Painting my toenails...and my, didn't they look sweet with my favourite shoes and my new wrap skirt...

Okay...now go and do it! Get your Beauty Way on, and post a pic in the comments! Enjoy!

An Invitation to Love

This post is dedicated to my partner Zai, and the love that endures between the two of us. May it deepen and expand through the years. 

Photo found on Pinterest

Last month, my partner went travelling. He attended a wedding in England and then spent some lazy weeks pottering around Europe. He explored neolithic villages, saw the full moon rise at Stone Henge, and cycled through the back streets of Barcelona. 

And children and I- we stayed at home.

It was an epic challenge for me, at least in my mind. It was up there with labour, which for me is one of the  ultimate challenges and rites of passage a woman can go through.

And I admit, it was the unravelling of me. Not when he was gone, but in the months leading up to the trip, knowing he was going, knowing he had made the choice to go, knowing that I would have to delve into new parts of myself to shift from the way we have mostly equally coparenting, at least from when our second child came into the world, to being absolutely, radically, self reliant, and accountable to these three precious beings. I cried, I screamed, I channeled my hurting bleeding heart.  I doubted our relationship. Mostly I doubted myself.

What did I need to do? Trust, surrender, love. That old mantra, gifted to me by my third son and his blazing arrival into our lives, the mantra that seems to apply to anything and everything in my life. It would be okay. There would be gifts.

The greatest gift, it was revealed, was the stripping away. My partner and I rescinded our roles to each other as co-parents and as housemates. Wow, how encompassing those roles had become, without us seeing it! How much of our interactions- and, to be truthful, our frustrations and dynamics with each other- were wrapped up in parenting our children together, and sharing domesticity.

Within hours of watching his plane fly off into the ether, I was struck down by two things: firstly, a deep sense of missing him, of his presence travelling further and further away, faster than the speed of sound. And secondly, from that great heart-spaced emptiness, what flowed in: the realisation that I LOVED him, so deeply, so strongly, so purely. When all else was taken away, what was left was love, and for some reason, I hadn't expected that.

Photo found on Pinterest

So the lesson, for me, in this experience that I fought against for so long:

Open up to the raw places, the places that make you feel abandoned, empty and alone: what do you find there?

Photo found on Pinterest

(It's a great lesson for love relationships, but I am thinking right now, it would be great for relationship with the self too).

And I invite you, dear reader, to this: How can you open up to the raw places today? How can you create a place where you let go of expectations, of relationship dynamics, of feelings of security? What happens when you do?

I actually want you to go and do this. What are you holding onto so tight, and what happens when you let go, for just a little while? What sparkling little lessons rush into that empty space? Share your story in the comments, if you feel to.

© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

The Evolution Of Food...on a family level

Yes, things have been very quiet here at Sacred Whisper Bellingen for a few weeks.

My partner, Zai, was given the opportunity to travel around Europe for a month (and had some amazing experiences). My life during this time became very focused: the wellbeing of myself and my children, our sweet little rhythm, and very little else.

This simple and unhindered presence to my family and it's intimate inner workings shone a light on a few areas that just clearly weren't working as well as they could. Little lost opportunities for meeting people's needs better, more sustainably, and the wise little life lessons that are inherently part of living a conscious lifestyle.

The biggest evolution for us here- the natural process of something clearly being unworkable, experimenting with solutions, and integrating a new way of being into our lives together- was the way we do food. 

Photo sourced from Pinterest

Food is big in our family. Zai's passion is food and cooking and the divine alchemy he undertakes from raw ingrediants, coming up with something far greater than the sum of the parts (psst...the secret ingrediant is love. And probably cumin seeds). And having three growing children...yes, food is a big part of our day.

In our family we had been following a standard traditional food rhythm for a long time. Breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, and a focal point of dinner at the end of the day. Some of us are vegetarian, and some of us eat meat.

But some problems were definately showing up. The kids would be requesting their next meal (read: I'm huuuuungry, in that voice only children can use). I would prepare the next meal and one of two things would happen:

1. Two bites would be taken, and they would be full.

2. "I DON'T LIKE THIS!!" (Also in that voice- and pitch- only children can create. Optional: a thrown fork/spoon/tantrum)

Occasionally, there was also 3. They ate it happily (mostly if involves rice, tamari and sunflower seeds, every child's favourite meal in my house.)

So, I was finding I was dealing with a lot of wasted food. One benefit: our chooks were extremely well fed and happy. But I wasn't happy. On a deep level, it doesn't feel right to be wasting food. And it's not just the food, it's the time and effort that goes into preparing it- and I'm sure you can relate to those days that I felt I was simply preparing food, serving it, and cleaning up after it all day.

Photo sourced from Pinterest

There was another dynamic going on here. My children, bless them, are beautifully independant creatures. Even the youngest of them knows how to push the chair up against the bench to climb up and get a piece of fruit from the fruit bowl. I would often find them making honey sandwiches or preparing themselves some snack I probably wouldn't condone.

I love their independance. I do. But the same thing was happening with snacking- they would eat half or a third of the apple, and be done. Or they would make themselves enough sandwiches, that their appetite for the next meal (which would be more nutritionally sound, mind you!) would be broken.

So I had to tighten things up. I had to create an environment where we were all more conscious of the blessings that we have in having abundant food, and be responsible with that abundance.

Firstly, we put an end to snacking. This was especially difficult for my middle child, for whom food and independance and choices and all that has such great ramifications for her little being. But we did it, explaining clearly that we weren't snacking, and after a while, she was a lot less anxious. She wasn't constantly asking for food, because she had the security of knowing a meal would be coming up sometime in the near future. She was releived of the need to ask and ask and ask. It would be provided anyway- when it was time.

The second thing, was making our "big meal" of the day at lunchtime, rather than dinner time. We all had more energy then- me, for preparing a meal, and the kids, to either help, or to play whilst I made it. I found myself appreciating the flavours, textures and nutrition of the good food I offered, simply because I had time-- I still had so much of the day ahead of me, instead of thinking of housework and bedtime routines and getting everyone through the meal so we could get on with all the jobs. It also gave us precious time to sit and connect and slow our rhythm down- being at home at lunchtime meant we couldn't spend all day out of the house, just morning, afternoon or neither.

Photo sourced from Pinterest

The third thing we did- which I did, and which really shifted things for us- was to collect up all of the leftover food from the day, put it in the fridge, and serve it up, buffet style for dinner at the end of the day. It sounds odd, but it was so easy, the kids didn't complain (after the first day or two), meant dinner time was simple and the food wastage problem was solved.

We kept our little meal time rituals, for continuity. We light a little candle at each meal, and someone gets to blow it out and make a wish. Sometimes we sing a blessing over the food, and sometimes we share the best parts of our day. It's a special time.

We are embarking on a new food adventure with our family now- gluten free. That's a whole other post...

So how do you do food in your family? How do you deal with food wastage, snacking, what are your little rituals? Please share in the comments below.

© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793