The Alchemy of a Traumatic Birth

There's an alchemy that comes with birthing. There's the changing from maiden to mother, but as magnamanous as that transition is, there is something deeper at work. There's an imbuing: both of the particular lessons needed in mothering this little child, which sometimes needs close examination and a brave heart. And, if held well by the circles surrounding the mother, she will also be imbued into a deeper sense and connection to who she is at her highest: her unique vibration and soul purpose and how the divine is channeled through her and only her.

Sadly, tragically, this often doesn't happen. There are a myriad of reasons why it doesn't happen, and that complexity will need to wait for a future post. Suffice to say, it doesn't always happen, the mama doesn't always step into her motherhood connected strongly to the wellsprings of empowerment and love and bonding and intuition and knowing that is there within her. Sometimes, this is because she has experienced trauma in her birth giving (this can also include her pregnancy and post natal time).

When a mama has experienced trauma, a different type of alchemy occurs. This alchemy can be just as rich, and in a strange way, beautiful as that which comes from a blissful, satisfying birth. It's not easy, and hopefully a vast array of support can encircle the mama to do this important work. Healing from a traumatic birth experience holds a power and alchemy all of it's own: the digging down right to the viscera, to the bones, the roots, and uncovering from woundedness, a deeper and more nourishing sense of self and what it is to be a mama.

This work is vital. When a mama is called, she needs to immerse herself into it, or become stagnant, stay in the woundedness or disconnect from her heart.

The process for healing will look different for each woman, and often it is difficult to know the path ahead- it relys on a heart-centredness which can be very difficult to engage with when recovering from a traumatic experience. Getting back into the heart, and feeling at least a little safe in that space, is the first step.

My work is deeply informed by the inherent power that lies within the alchemical potential of birth, whether it be from a blissful birth, or in standing as a sacred witness and guide to the process of integrating a traumatic birth experience. I have spent a number of years now focusing on birth trauma work, and will never retire a sense of awe of just how important the rite of passage of giving birth is for a woman.

This doesn't just reside in my professional life, however. The sacred catalyst for this direction in my life came from my own first birth-giving. The birth of my first child was the most distressing, wounding event of my life. It was harrowing and the weeks and months that followed, though joyous, where also tainted by the extra stress of experiencing acute post traumatic stress.

It was hard. To go into that sort of process, when I had a new little baby who was so demanding (and adorable), and I had to master so many new skills and knowledge and emotions-- it was hard.

But it happened, I integrated the birth, went on to have three more positive births and channel my experiences into my work. I took my counselling qualifications and focused on birth, and more specifically, helping other women who had sustained trauma in birthing.

Last year, as I gestated my last baby, I dove back into that process again. I undertook training in Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma, produced by Corinne Laan for the Sacred Living Movement.

If you read my post last week, you would already be clued up about the beautiful creative process I am having in gently, alluringly, approaching my work again with the most open heart,joy and love. A big part of my time has been spent revisiting the Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma training, sifting through my own experiences as a mama, a doula and a counsellor, and crafting something new.

It's a six week (one morning a week) immersion into healing birth trauma, and more specifically, the alchemy of returning to the heart. It's a bunch of processes: journallings, meditations, deep listening and being witnessed, ritual, practical skills and knowledge, art therapy and more, that aims to take a woman from her place of trauma and hurt, meet that experience with gentleness, sensitivity and awareness, and create a lighter, more integrated and open space for her to step into- both for her own wellbeing, and for her experience of mothering.

I am excited to share it soon. I am finishing the draft course, and will piloting it in the coming weeks. It will be out in the community in deep midwinter- a fortuitous time for deep inner work.
My Course and the creative process

My intention is to sit with mamas who are hurting, or are disconnected or disassociating from their experience, to nourish them, to listen in humbleness and openness and complete lack of judgement, to see the light in them, and to help them see that light to. Because we all have it, no matter what we have been through.

If you would like to know more about the six week course, or be kept updated or where I am at with it's release, please email me on mamarising@gmail.com, or call me on 0418950793.

At present I am looking at running it in Bellingen, and would be open to running it within a couple of hours radius- Port Macquarie, Kempsey, Macksville, Armidale, Coffs Harbour, Grafton and surrounds.

If the work of integrating your traumatic birth experience calls to you, but my particular offer doesn't sing to you, here's some other places you can reach out to get the support you deserve:

Mental Health Access Line NSW (24 hours): 1800 011 511

Lifeline (24 hours telephone crisis counselling): 13 11 14 

Birthtalk: http://birthtalk.org/  

PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia): 
Helpline- Mon to Fri 10am to 5pm  1300 726 306 
http://www.panda.org.au/ 

Pregnancy, Birth and Babies Helpline (24 hours): 1800 882 436 

Perinatal Psychologist, Coffs Harbour Hospital (free for antenatal and post natal appointments, contact through Primary Health: (02) 6656 7000 

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Go well mama. May your healing be swift, deep and heart centred.

Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Shakti Energy Flowing

.... where the dynamics of the creativity of mothering, and the creativity that flows further afield from my tribe intersects.


A year and a half ago, I was in a sweet place. My youngest was growing slowly into a deeper sense of independance, our family moved to the most gorgeous mudbrick palace out in the bush, and my work was feeding me (if not literally, at least metaphorically). I was studying holistic postpartum care, was working with lots of clients in my counselling practice, and attended my first birth as a doula. The fine threads of my passions and skills and knowledge were being woven together into a tapestry that was my medicine, my soul work in the world.


And then, as life does, the illusion of being centred and in control was firmly tested. In the most delicious, joyful and heart opening way.

Along came Quilla! A baby who came with a quiet sense of knowing and determination, as one years ended and I set my heart to intentions and beginnings and renewal. A surprise baby, but so loved. My fourth.

The Birth of Quilla

Those precious fleeting newborn weeks

So that divine energy went inward again, it was a tricky pregnancy and took a lot of focus. Work could wait. These precious experiences of carrying my youngest child couldn't. Those experiences are, perhaps, a story for another day. But at the heart of it all, was the gorgeous yumminess of the life created. A birth that tested me on all levels and reaffirmed everything I believed in, and then taught me about my own power and endurance I always had within. The most delicious babymooning. Hours of gazing, of her deeply sleeping form on my chest. Of midnight snuggles and midday giggles (and often the other way around).

Quilla is seven months old now- divine little being.

Joy is her natural state

The Shakti energy never stays inward in me and my mothering for long though. I am a deeply introverted person, but also a woman of paradox... creativity channelled outwards is my most nourishing source of the sweet nectar of life. Quilla's birth has brought me, a little surprisingly, a greater sense of energy and vitality with which to meet the Shakti creativity in me. Many nights have been spent writing or working on various other projects of mine. The shift has been made, and it is time to work a little of my medicine again.

Find your medicine and use it!- Nahko Bear

With that comes a call for mindfulness, of course. My priority is the welbeing, safeguarding and nurturing of my children (and myself). I fully realise and attune to the responsibility to work in a way that nourishes both me, and my children, individually and as a tribe. One part of my awareness needs to be on this every day; a reflectiveness that will aid both my work and my mothering. For now, work needs to be predictable: no leaving the house at short notice in the middle of the after school rush to attend a birth for me! Rhythms, schedules, start times and end times... they are all a good thing right now.

These four are my compass and my heart

There's also a refreshing degree of freedom in this, as I am able to choose what serves me best and inspires me most, rather than going for what will make the most for the family financially. It's a time to hone and explore and play as well as work.

And so I move back to my work with Sacred Pregnancy. This blog, a perfect little project for my Gemini soul. During Quilla's pregnancy I undertook training in Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma (which is one of my most passionate areas to work in), and am very close to piloting a six week course that is a combination of the Sacred Loss work and my own processes. (Stay tuned for more info).

I am now a qualified Healing Birth Trauma circle leader for Sacred Pregnancy

I am currently training in Sacred Beginnings, an eight week course to nurture mamas and their new little earthside babies. I will also be finishing my study on the Art of Sacred Post Partum (holistic postnatal care), and will soon begin training in running Blessingways/Mama Blessings... I've got my eye on Birth Journey courses, work with chakras and crystals and ceremonies and ritual for honouring babies.

There is also something very, VERY special coming up in March next year which I can't wait to talk about!

This is all a part of that tapestry that is coming back together in my life... one with four children now, with writing, counselling, doula work and holistic birth education. One where I live in a gorgeous soulful town, where sitting on the earth is great nourishment, where I am overcome with laughter or tears with my soul sisters and friends, where my children play up the street and go to the most amazing school and where my lover and I connect and bicker and make love and hang out washing together and drink far too much coffee together.

It's a beautiful life.

If you would like more information on the Healing Birth Trauma course, or any of my work, please call me on 0418950793 or email earthysammi@gmail.com

Let's start a discussion! What are your creative outlets? How does this intersect, or diverge, from your parenting?

Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Bellingen Baby- Natural Birth and Parenting Support Group

A few years ago, I was humbled to take on a most honouring role: the coordinator of Bellingen Baby, our local natural birth and parenting support group. I was handed the role by the most amazing and inspiring woman: Mieke. Mieke runs Love to Birth doula services, and is studying and raising a large and vibrant brood of children. When it was time to take the role on, I took in, in trembling, but excited hands.

The Bellingen Baby logo 

Bellingen Baby is a group that was created many years ago- I think we are around the three decade mark, I would have been just a little cherubic bub myself when those first women were gathering in circle- as the Mid North Coast Homebirth Support Group. The impulse of the group, whilst it has shifted slightly from homebirth to natural birth in all locations, is to provide a safe, held space for birthing mamas and papas to find a path for birth and parenting that feels authentic and nourishing for them and their baby.

We hold monthly workshops on a different topic each time: in the past some of the most energetic and engaging discussions have been around sex after birthing; nappy free/elimination communication; herbal remedies for families; art as a tool to prepare for birth, belly dancing for birth... some topics are highly practical, some are deeply emotive. Sometimes we have a guest speaker, and sometimes the magic resides in the wisdom of the group. All this is provided for just a five dollar donation per family- making this (r)evolutionary information available to all- and children and babies are of course most welcome.

I can remember the wonderful moment in my life that I found out the Bellingen Baby existing. My partner, tiny baby Bodhi and I were sitting at Riversong Cafe (the space which is now occupied by the Purple Carrot). We often came up to Bellingen for a day or two, knowing that it was our soul home and one day we would physically make the move here too. I wandered over to Kombu (which was where the Alternatives Bookshop is now) and perused the always interesting noticeboard outside.

And there it was, in all it's divine, hippy-esque beauty a flyer for Bellingen Baby. The topic for the month was The Moon as a Divine Metaphor for the Feminine, I think it was being run by Shekinhah. I was so excited, I yelped, and grabbed Zai, who, with a mouthful of food in his mouth and chatting to the waitress was a little non-plussed to be dragged from his seat, and showed him. There is a NATURAL BIRTH AND PARENTING GROUP HERE, we just didn't HAVE THIS KIND OF THING where we came from. AND IT HAPPENS EVERY MONTH. And this month they are TALKING ABOUT THE MOON AND FEMINITY. Holy crap, Zai, there are people TALKING MY LANGUAGE and they are RIGHT HERE IN THIS TOWN!!

Zai smiled, probably patted me on the head and went back to eating.

(Incedently, I missed that workshop, but we came up to Bellingen monthly after that, on the third Monday of the month, to go to Bello Baby...and when we finally did move to Bellingen about a year later, the VERY first things we did- like, twelve minutes after we arrived, was to go to a Bellingen Baby workshop. That one was on birth mandalas-- Creativity as a tool for birth-- and was run by the wise and respected Joie, the original founder of the homebirth group!)

And the great news is, Bellingen Baby is back this year...it kind of fell off the radar last year for me, in between all the other passions in my life. But the time has come to call the circle back in. We have some awesome women helping out this year (which I am really excited about) and I can just viscerally feel the potential for all those deep, rich, heart centred topics we will explore this year.

And so, I invite you to:

Bellingen Baby New Year Gathering

Bellies, babies, older children and families welcome

3pm Tuesday 13th January

Lavender's Bridge, Bellingen, North Side

Bring Your Ideas for topics to explore this year

Bring a plate, if you can manage it

For more info, call Sammi on 0418 950 793.

You can also join our Bellingen Baby facebook group here, and/or text me your email address and I will add you to the newsletter list. 

© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Word Medicine: Handmade Birth Journals

Blank canvas

This morning, whilst listening to the sweet deep sounds of divine feminine singer Peruquios, I am creating the most delicious gift for a mama I am having the honour of attending right now. She birthed a beautiful baby girl twelve days ago, and I have loved the process of prenatal, birth and postnatal doula work.

Word medicine from my own birth journal (a trilogy!)

As part of the Art of Sacred Postpartum training I am undertaking, we learn how to create handmade birth journals for our mamas. This activity resonated so deeply for me, for if I follow myself down to the very core of who I am, I am a story teller, and a holder of stories. There is a lyric from a Mama Kin song- My Friend that goes "You're the alchemist, you're the holder of so many stories, you grab the stars and light the way home,"

The cover of my own journal- Awakening, nourishment, trust: the shamanic, ecstatic birthings of Sammi Mirabai Seed

That's what I see as my medicine on this earth walk, the sacred path of helping people- and more specifically, birthing mamas- find their story, to sit in honour and nurturing and witness of that divine story; to help them find that point of alchemy where story becomes a source of strength and nourishment and growth for them.

So on this beautiful sunny summer morning, my partner and children out swimming at the Never Never (morning swims are their favourite!) I am crafting this birth journal for the mama. With my hands that seek to express the gentle love and care- and honour- I feel in my work, I take paints of oceanic hues that soothe her soul to colour the pages. I will scatter words that come to me from my work with her- arising, the art of grief, meeting each surge, sacred emergence, within the borders. I will paste in photos of her and her precious little one. I will draw a little. I will, in the back, write in the birth story from my perspective with all the amazement I held to witness her process. And most importantly, I will leave so many blank pages for her to write her own birth story, to give life to and integrate that story that had become such an integral part of her psyche.

Birth mandalas are the title page for each child's birth story

Here are some photos from the journal I made for myself- because, of course, until I have fully lived the lesson myself I am not equipped to pass it onto others.

Evocative pictures

How did you creatively celebrate and integrate your birthings? How do the pictures here make you feel?

© Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2014

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

The Art of Spew- Memoirs of a Vomit Bug

I have this knack for manifesting exactly what I need right now. Sitting on the verandah floor, (and a too much information warning coming up!) throwing up into an old red  bucket which I grasp with one arm, and holding my other hand out to catch the vomit spewing out of my littlest one's mouth, a bewildered and shocked look on his face... I am okay with this, I thought. Just please, let it be quick. Intense, and quick.

And quick- and intense- was what I got. By the time my partner came home on the mercy dash, having got the dreaded text message an hour earlier, I was just about purged. He found me slumped on the front step, where I had landed a while before, and I was unable to move. So exhausted from the full body engagement of letting go, from helping the baby through his ordeal, cleaning him up, me up, the space up... He smiled sympathically and went to find our little one, who was by now happily playing with his brother and sister.

 Three hours, fourteen vomits, and I was done. I finally managed to crawl into the shower, and allowed myself to crouch under those precious drops for a long time, threw up once more, and fell naked and cold into bed. My biggest little one came in a few minutes later, and pulled a blanket over me, and took the message to his dad that I wanted ginger tea. In his own beautiful caring way, he brought me some slivers of ginger he had cut to chew on, and my daughter (who had been in the throes of the bug two days prior) came and lay with me, whispering "I know, I know."

Whenever I have a vomit bug, I can feel the parallels between giving birth and throwing up. Both are all consuming, when they get to that point of full bodily engagement. In both, our verbosity rendered less of a tool- but our voices can be amazingly healing (I am a noisy birther, and noisy moaner when sick). Both show us the power and totality of our bodies ability to do whatever it needs to do to get the process done, no matter how we feel about the process.

Knowing this ( a lesson from previous bugs) I wanted to go deeper. Can I touch some of that special place we go to inside of ourselves, that trancy, magic space of birth, amidst all this bodily discomfort and yuckiness? The big words inside my head was : GO WITH YOUR INSTINCT.

And for me, that was the point of letting go. Even when I am sick, I think I try to hold onto things- ensure my children are okay, and reassuring them I am okay (they have a fascination with watching me spew, as I am sure many people do). Washing out and then rinsing the bucket after every spew. Taking small sips of water after every spew.

This time, I didn't. Short of making sure Koa was laying down next to me on a towel wherever I ended up (in his less chirpy moments) and doing what I needed to do to support him, I let all of this go. I went to the spots of the house I needed to. The front steps and the breeze and openness there was right for me- even though my vomity aria was probably an unwelcome soundscape to the neighbours across the gully. I didn't get up to clean up, and totally surrendered to that feeling of being wiped out. I adamantly felt not to put anything in my stomach, not even a sip of water. This process needed to be a complete and pure purge- something needed to come out, beyond the physical, and I needed to allow the space for that.

I found myself staring at trees, (as I often do in labour), feeling their strength and their eternity. I breathed into this amazing feeling of transcendance. Yes, the awful nausea and dizziness and pain was there- but so too was acceptance, gratitude and beauty.

And when I finally collapsed into bed, still sick but knowing the vomiting was done, it was blissful and pure and transcedent too. Even though two days later I still feel a little sick, and incredibly tired and run down, there is thankfulness.

Yesterday, my husband returned to work, but two hours later than usual on a Sunday morning, and that was so recuperative for me. The children and I spent a day snuggled up on the bed in the spare room (where I had slept the night before, my little retreat nest), reading, or cuddling. I was still feeling so weak. I dipped into a book that was visually and mentally soothing and inspiring for me, and felt that this is where the real gold is.

In my family, we have a rhythm: for every sick day, we take a recovery day. A day off too nourish, nurture, come back to ourselves. Now this doesn't often happen easily for me, being a mama as I am, with a house to clean, children to feed, sibling fights (oh, the endless sibling fights!) to mediate...But I was able to get a sense of it, the gold that the recovery time holds. It's not the purging itself, or the illness that holds the healing (or not primarily, perhaps), but the space afterwards. If I am still, and sit with it, I can feel the light entering each cell. I notice the way I relate to the children is gentler, and more conscious. I find myself visioning what I want to bring more of into my life, how that would look and feel. Gladly letting go of that which does not serve.

If I could truly hold and honour that healing time for myself, how would I grow and evolve? And if I could facilitate that quiet, magic time for my children, how beautifully would they blossom?

That is my intention I hold up today: that I may truly honour the recovery time.

I have a clear sense of what that means to me in this moment: a little writing (done!) some rest in a cool, tidy room (I will gift myself that five minutes of tidying) and a nourishing juice or smoothie to build me up nutritionally. So a morning off work to dive into healing space- awaits!

Gluten and Dairy Free Pancakes

Sunday is pancake day in our house. Sitting around the big table for a lazy breakfast (or lunch sometimes, if we get especially lazy!), the children in their seats waiting with eager anticipation as each pancake is lifted from the frypan...the flour that inevitably gets spilt on the floor, the diplomacy required to negotiate whose turn it is to crack the egg...it is all a beloved tradition.

When our family transitioned to a gluten free diet recently, I found a perfectly adequate, yummy gluten free pancake mix- out of a box. But you know what? The enjoyment of pancake mornings was a little stale. I wanted the spilt flour, the sneaky toddler fingers in the batter, the challenge (and frustration) of trying to move around three chairs pushed up against the bench...half the fun of pancake morning is in the communal cooking experience!

Luckily, I experimented with making up a recipe for gluten free pancakes and they tasted awesome (may have a little something to do with the lemon juice and sprinkling of brown sugar on the top- but hey, a pancake is only as good as it's toppings!)

Here's the recipe:

1 cup buckwheat flour
1 cup brown rice flour
A quarter teaspoon or so of baking powder
2 eggs
1 cup of coconut cream
Half a cup of dessicatted coconut
Enough water to get the batter to a happy consistency

Method:

Mix all the dry ingrediants well. Add eggs and coconut cream and mix. Play around with adding some water until you feel the consistency is right (you can always add a little more flour, or water).

Fry in a saucepan using coconut oil or ghee (if you do dairy).

What's your great gluten free pancake recipe? What toppings do you lavish on your pancakes?

Manifesting A New Nest

For the past two and a half years, my family and I have been incredibly blessed to live in a rambling bush house at the base of Nungali, the sacred Gumbaingirr mountain. The house was, a couple of decades ago, part of Satyananda Yoga ashram, and is part of a group of earthy times homes sprinkled up the lower reaches of the mountain. My children and I played in the bamboo forest, by the creeks edge, ate fruit straight from the trees...it has been magic.

Pictures of our current nest

But now it is time to move on. The landlord is ready to move back into the bosom of this beautiful house, and it's time for my nomadic family to pack up and find somewhere new. It's sad to go, but it's also exciting, to see where that deep, resonant and unmistakable call of the land takes us to. The land drawing us in- that is something I really believe in.

On the new moon just past (it was also our oldest son's birthday, for a little extra magical potency), we gathered our children, some paper, pens, dreams and hopes and visioned what we wanted this time around. With consciousness and clarity, we spoke it out into this sacred land we live on. What manifests will be a perfect reflection of this, as filtered by what we all need now on our Earth Walk.

Here's a little of what we called upon:

on healing land/high vibrations
cheap rent
bedroom/s that connect us
on a well functioning, beautiful and joyful MO or community
a healthy house- no mould etc
sanctuary space
a bath
tipi/yurt/belle tent
stairs that go down into a room of my own (that was our oldest son)
stairs that go down into a room of my own, with a high butterfly bed, and fairies (that was our daughter)
oven and stove
space for an outside/verandah bed
outside bathroom and kitchen
close to Chrysalis Steiner School
close to a daycare or preschool option
cool architecture
easy maintenance
cosy and efficient fireplace
tin roof (for the rain sounds!)
beautiful, heart expanding views
space for my heart work (me)
fireflies
in the rainforest
fig tree
beautiful waterhole nearby
as much off the grid as possible
specifically, places- Martells Road, Freida Hicks Drive/Nungali, on the Never Never, Darkwood Road, Kalang Road, Roses Road or in town

Dropping deeper, I visioned what makes a home space a heart space
love
emotional transparency
deep listening
the holding of space
gentle, conscious and creative parenting
connection to the earth
belonging
holistic
sustainable

I look forward to writing about what manifests for us!