The Imperative for Self Care

Over the past couple of weeks I have engaged in some truly beautiful self care time.

Life has been particularly, achingly demanding over the past few weeks. I have perhaps never had so many demands on my time, from so many sources, and yes, of course the cacophony of barely explored voices from my inner world is part of that picture as well.

I have rarely felt so strongly the immediate effect that self care has. I remember before having children, I could not nap for less than a couple of hours without it feeling satisifying. Now, a few minutes curled up in the couch watching the clouds can equal that feeling of satifaction. A half hour doze is heavenly, and a two hour nap now- I begin to slip into trancendental states!

This stress I have been under has had it's alchemy, it's magic. It is a trustworthy filter: that which is truly important, I will hold to. All else falls away. It has given me permission (which is a funny, externalizing way of putting it, rather than being reflective of the stepping into a greater alignment between my internal and external world, which is what the process actually is) to let go of the things that are demanding, sometimes almost deafening in demand, and meander down paths less demanding but so much more vital, more important. I leave the washing piling up, and instead play in the fairy house with my children. I put the phone calls off and lay down in stillness for the twenty minutes I have to myself. I buy wonderfully organic, local, balanced food according to my well thought out meal plan, and then get takeaway because the baby is teething and I would rather comfort her (and support myself) than provide the most nutritious meal at the cost of a whole bunch of stress and disconnection.

In the Healing Your Birth: Returning to the Heart after Birth Trauma course I have created*, one of the weeks deeply explores the concept of self care. We look at how we regard and either disconnect or connect to our bodies after birth trauma- and ultimately, whether this is a message of love, compassion and presence, or of anger, wounding and walking away from our essence of creative being. We learn techniques to communicate in ways that our voice will be truly heard, and we look at self care rhythms.

It's certainly difficult to get self care time as a mama. The logistical issues surrounding support, child care, financial limitations and other things like this can be a barrier, but so too can the barriers inside us- the feelings of not being worthy, of sacrificing our needs or putting them last because that's what we have been conditioned to accept what a mother does- and to be very honest, sometimes because it's easier than having to fight to carve out time for ourselves.

One of the most important lessons I have learnt, courtesy of the wonderfully yummy teachings of Kaya Jongen and Lisa Bogle, is that self care does not need to be exclusively solitary time, or at least time away from the children. In fact, in the early months and years, sometimes time away just isn't practical or relaxing.

There is so much we can do, in the moment, to nurture our selves, without being away from our children; and then when those solitary times do arise, we can also dive right in. If we can move past rigid ideas of what self care has to be, we can move into a more expansive, creative idea of potential: what could it be? What would work for me, right now, in this moment? What will raise my vibration, centre me, create a shift?

Self knowledge, openness and an inquiring mind are all keys.

In the self care week of the course, we create a self care manifesto (I call it my "Keep Life Shiny" list). It's a list of daily non-negotiables, practical self care items that, even when the emotional terrain is challenging, give moments of lightness. It's an incredibly important commitment to make to ourselves, to value our own self care enough- to go beyond our culture of blame and externalization- and ensure we are beings that take responsibility for our wellbeing.

Here's what's on my Keep Life Shiny list currently (and it's a fluid list, as something becomes stale I weave in something new that is more resonant):

Each day, I:

• drink a cup of coffee and scroll through instagram (after morning tea is over and the kitchen cleaned up)
• light some incense, put on some mantra music and check the daily reading from Aquarius Nation (when my partner leaves for his afternoon/evening job)
• listening to a podcast whilst doing the housework after the kids are asleep (my favourites at the moment are Slow Your Home and Conversations with Richard Fidler) 
• do some kind of writing, even if it's just a few sentences
• get help from all the family in ensuring all housework jobs are done each day, because once it mounts up, it is so much harder to catch up

What's on YOUR Keep Life Shiny list? What's your non-negotiables? Let me know in the comments!

*If you would like to know more about the six week (one morning a week) course, or be kept updated where I am with it's release, please email me at earthysammi@gmail.com, or call me on 0418950793

Copyright Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and is the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Grounding into the Narrative of Birth

If you are a regular reader of the Sacred Whisper Bellingen blog, you would know that I have been working on a six week immersion for integrating traumatic birth experiences.

She's arrived earthside- Healing Your Birth: Returning to the Heart after Birth Trauma is now running as a pilot program, and I will soon be offering it to the wider community. It is a beautiful meeting of the Sacred Living Movement's Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma course, written by Corrine Laan, and my own processes and work as a holistic doula and birth counsellor. I feel very inspired and humbled by this work moving through me. And I also see the vital importance of holding space for mamas who have experienced trauma in the birthing process- coming to wholeness as a mama creates healing and clear space for the next generation. What we need now are awakened, conscious humans. This work is a small but important part of that.

I am a certified Healing Birth Trauma Circle Leader

The first week of this course is called Grounding into the Narrative of Birth: Embarkation. We explore mental health, create a container for clear expectations and communication and safe space, deepen our ability to listen in a truly wise and open way, and share our birth stories. We also chart the birth- the charge moments, the highs and lows, the peaks of the experience in a peak experience. We begin to tell our stories- to explore our narratives.

What is the narrative of birth?

On the most simple level, it is simply a conveyance of the chronology of the birth, the facts, perhaps the feelings. But any woman who has given birth, or approaches birth, knows that it goes much deeper than this.

Birth will awaken parts of us we didn't know were dormant inside us. It will agitate any part of us that is raw, and sometime soothe us in ways we didn't even know were possible. It will allow us to traverse strange and wonderful lands. It will take us to the edge, again and again, and reveal that beyond our edge there is both the void, and more space yet to travel. It can leave us more whole than we ever imagined, or leave us broken.

The narrative of birth is all of this: the deep sensuality of birth and how we met it; how we were held (or shamed, or unheard); the lessons, both new and deepened, that it teaches us (and again, both those lessons that served us and those warped lessons that don't); the way birth initiated us into motherhood- with energy or with grief, trauma or empowerment. It's a story but a story far too profound and complex for words alone. It can be told in words, but only partially. It can be danced, but only partially. It can be sung, or painted, screamed, torn, brought to a relational field-- but only partially. We will tell it forever, in many different ways.

We cannot control the trajectory or outcome of birth; we have a massive job in overcoming social conditioning around the shaming of women's bodies, the fear of birth and the medicalisation of our reproductive systems; and so we cannot ever prevent all birth trauma. But, given the healthy faciliation of a physiological birth process, with a woman clear in her intentions and supported by warm, knowledgable and skilled caregivers, giving birth can become a superbly empowering event. The narrative this woman would take into her motherhood and her wider life will serve her and all those around her in the most positive, nourishing way.

But what if the birth giving was horrible? Traumatic, haunting, isolating? What of that narrative?

Something I have seen in my work, is that there is a deep parallel between giving birth, and healing from birth. Both are a manifestation of women's power and strength and above all the feminine energy of giving love in the most amazing ways. Over and over, the women I see come out of birth feeling broken, traumatised and disconnected are the ones who discover a strong sense of wholeness, strength and connection during their healing journeys.

In healing we have to go to those raw places and confront them (much like the physical and emotional intensity of giving birth). In this we write a new story- instead of shutting down, the very act of striving to heal allows us to rebuild strength, trust, wisdom and self love. We can return to the heart, ever so gently.

Birth is never just a narrative of just a few hours, but a whole lifetime, and it's one of those rich and potent times that the narrative of our lives- the way we perceive our lives- can be rewritten. Whether that sacred rewriting happens during birth or during integrating a traumatic birth, the pathway to initiation is there regardless. In this I trust.

If you would like to know more about the six week (one morning a week) course, or be kept updated where I am with it's release, please email me at earthysammi@gmail.com, or call me on 0418950793

Copyright Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and is the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Journalling as a Pathway to Becoming Whole

A few years ago I discovered the work of Bill Plotkin, a depth psychologist, ecotherapist and wilderness guide. He is the author of Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche, an experiential guide to the wilderness of the soul. It's well worth a read.

He also authored a book called Wild Mind: A Field Guide to the Human Psyche which details his explorations into personality theory. In it, he discusses the concept of 'wholing':

"Wholing is the foundation for true healing. Some degree of personal wwholing must precede any deep healing, not the other way around. In Western societies, many believe we can't be whole- truly loving, highly creative people contributing to the world- until we have sufficiently healed from our childhood wounds. But I beleive the opposite is the truth: Deep psychological healing is the result of learning how to embrace our woundedness and fragmentedness from the cultivated perspective and consciousness of the Self. We must to some degree cultivate our wholeness before we can truly be healed. Wholing comes first and is foundational (pp26-27)."

I have taken this concept of wholing into my work. After all, we are complex beings, full of nuance and fluidity amongst the patterns and traits that give our identities structure and form. There are always a multitude of layers that can be explored and nurtured, given a positive intention and a commitment to presence to what arises.

Journalling is a key tool I use in my work to elicit the holistic awareness required to become more whole: to own all parts of ourselves, including our shadow, to walk the fine line between radical acceptance and loving moulding of ourselves. In journalling we can enter a liminal healing and wholing space.

Journaling is a rich process. It allows the flow of thought, feeling and experience that always permeates our walk on this earth, the ability to be brought to light, gently turned over and caressed, examined, and explored. It allows us the consciousness and awareness to sculpt a life that is more aligned to our attentions; to grieve our losses; to celebrate the radiant joys of our life—to process. In allowing ourselves the reflection time that journaling provides, we can gain much.

How you journal is up to you. You may be into reams of eloquent, beautiful words. You may like to keep it simple. You may find art and drawing expresses your experience more accurately. Or you may find- especially keep this in mind in challenging moments and those first few months when the baby arrives- that all you can manage is words- “angry. Exhausted—desperately need sleep. Heart soars when little one looks in my eyes”- that is fine too (and keeping things achievable is important)! There is no wrong way to journal. Follow your heart wisdom, the rest of you will catch up.

If you are new to journaling, here are some tips—

·         Journaling is not an exercise is literacy or linguistics. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling and all those things we are conditioned to worry about. This is about giving you space to process, explore and reflect on your experience.

·         You can follow prompts, or you can simply write what arises--  or a mixture of both. With time and self nurturing, the right stuff- that is, the stuff that needs to be processed- will arise naturally.

·         There is no wrong way to journal

·         It is great to achieve a state where you are not censoring your experience in any way. One way to do this is to acknowledge that which you write is only one facet of your experience, and what may be true in that moment may not be true in another moment, or the majority of the time. Sometimes negative things need to be voiced (or written) before they can be let go of

·         If you find the process challenging, try this: Set an alarm for a certain amount of time, say ten minutes, and simply write whatever comes into your head over that time. It doesn’t need to be relevant or “pretty”. This is free flow writing, and can be therapeutic and very surprising!

·         Journaling can bring up deep issues. If you need support, it is your right and responsibility to seek further support.

  Journal at times when you are assured quiet and space, and do what you need to do to keep your journal secure and private- of course you can share what you write with others, but what you share and how is always your choice. 

In my upcoming Healing Your Birth: Returning to the Heart After Birth Trauma course, we will use journalling as a key process to both complement and anchor the course work, and to use it as an opportunity to explore what is truly unique to each participant: how this experience has manifested, and continues to manifest in them.

Sammi Cambray is trained to run Healing Birth Trauma circles through the Sacred Living Movement. Many thanks to Corinne Laan for the teaching, and for permission to use some of the processes in Sammi's Healing Your Birth immersion. 

Here is a little sneak peek into the journalling work we will be doing as part of the Healing Your Birth: Returning to the Heart after Birth Trauma six week (one morning a week) immersion.

If you would like to know more about the six week (one morning a week) course, or be kept updated where I am with it's release, please email me at earthysammi@gmail.com, or call me on 0418950793

Copyright Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and is the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

The Alchemy of a Traumatic Birth

There's an alchemy that comes with birthing. There's the changing from maiden to mother, but as magnamanous as that transition is, there is something deeper at work. There's an imbuing: both of the particular lessons needed in mothering this little child, which sometimes needs close examination and a brave heart. And, if held well by the circles surrounding the mother, she will also be imbued into a deeper sense and connection to who she is at her highest: her unique vibration and soul purpose and how the divine is channeled through her and only her.

Sadly, tragically, this often doesn't happen. There are a myriad of reasons why it doesn't happen, and that complexity will need to wait for a future post. Suffice to say, it doesn't always happen, the mama doesn't always step into her motherhood connected strongly to the wellsprings of empowerment and love and bonding and intuition and knowing that is there within her. Sometimes, this is because she has experienced trauma in her birth giving (this can also include her pregnancy and post natal time).

When a mama has experienced trauma, a different type of alchemy occurs. This alchemy can be just as rich, and in a strange way, beautiful as that which comes from a blissful, satisfying birth. It's not easy, and hopefully a vast array of support can encircle the mama to do this important work. Healing from a traumatic birth experience holds a power and alchemy all of it's own: the digging down right to the viscera, to the bones, the roots, and uncovering from woundedness, a deeper and more nourishing sense of self and what it is to be a mama.

This work is vital. When a mama is called, she needs to immerse herself into it, or become stagnant, stay in the woundedness or disconnect from her heart.

The process for healing will look different for each woman, and often it is difficult to know the path ahead- it relys on a heart-centredness which can be very difficult to engage with when recovering from a traumatic experience. Getting back into the heart, and feeling at least a little safe in that space, is the first step.

My work is deeply informed by the inherent power that lies within the alchemical potential of birth, whether it be from a blissful birth, or in standing as a sacred witness and guide to the process of integrating a traumatic birth experience. I have spent a number of years now focusing on birth trauma work, and will never retire a sense of awe of just how important the rite of passage of giving birth is for a woman.

This doesn't just reside in my professional life, however. The sacred catalyst for this direction in my life came from my own first birth-giving. The birth of my first child was the most distressing, wounding event of my life. It was harrowing and the weeks and months that followed, though joyous, where also tainted by the extra stress of experiencing acute post traumatic stress.

It was hard. To go into that sort of process, when I had a new little baby who was so demanding (and adorable), and I had to master so many new skills and knowledge and emotions-- it was hard.

But it happened, I integrated the birth, went on to have three more positive births and channel my experiences into my work. I took my counselling qualifications and focused on birth, and more specifically, helping other women who had sustained trauma in birthing.

Last year, as I gestated my last baby, I dove back into that process again. I undertook training in Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma, produced by Corinne Laan for the Sacred Living Movement.

If you read my post last week, you would already be clued up about the beautiful creative process I am having in gently, alluringly, approaching my work again with the most open heart,joy and love. A big part of my time has been spent revisiting the Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma training, sifting through my own experiences as a mama, a doula and a counsellor, and crafting something new.

It's a six week (one morning a week) immersion into healing birth trauma, and more specifically, the alchemy of returning to the heart. It's a bunch of processes: journallings, meditations, deep listening and being witnessed, ritual, practical skills and knowledge, art therapy and more, that aims to take a woman from her place of trauma and hurt, meet that experience with gentleness, sensitivity and awareness, and create a lighter, more integrated and open space for her to step into- both for her own wellbeing, and for her experience of mothering.

I am excited to share it soon. I am finishing the draft course, and will piloting it in the coming weeks. It will be out in the community in deep midwinter- a fortuitous time for deep inner work.
My Course and the creative process

My intention is to sit with mamas who are hurting, or are disconnected or disassociating from their experience, to nourish them, to listen in humbleness and openness and complete lack of judgement, to see the light in them, and to help them see that light to. Because we all have it, no matter what we have been through.

If you would like to know more about the six week course, or be kept updated or where I am at with it's release, please email me on mamarising@gmail.com, or call me on 0418950793.

At present I am looking at running it in Bellingen, and would be open to running it within a couple of hours radius- Port Macquarie, Kempsey, Macksville, Armidale, Coffs Harbour, Grafton and surrounds.

If the work of integrating your traumatic birth experience calls to you, but my particular offer doesn't sing to you, here's some other places you can reach out to get the support you deserve:

Mental Health Access Line NSW (24 hours): 1800 011 511

Lifeline (24 hours telephone crisis counselling): 13 11 14 

Birthtalk: http://birthtalk.org/  

PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia): 
Helpline- Mon to Fri 10am to 5pm  1300 726 306 
http://www.panda.org.au/ 

Pregnancy, Birth and Babies Helpline (24 hours): 1800 882 436 

Perinatal Psychologist, Coffs Harbour Hospital (free for antenatal and post natal appointments, contact through Primary Health: (02) 6656 7000 

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Go well mama. May your healing be swift, deep and heart centred.

Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793

Shakti Energy Flowing

.... where the dynamics of the creativity of mothering, and the creativity that flows further afield from my tribe intersects.


A year and a half ago, I was in a sweet place. My youngest was growing slowly into a deeper sense of independance, our family moved to the most gorgeous mudbrick palace out in the bush, and my work was feeding me (if not literally, at least metaphorically). I was studying holistic postpartum care, was working with lots of clients in my counselling practice, and attended my first birth as a doula. The fine threads of my passions and skills and knowledge were being woven together into a tapestry that was my medicine, my soul work in the world.


And then, as life does, the illusion of being centred and in control was firmly tested. In the most delicious, joyful and heart opening way.

Along came Quilla! A baby who came with a quiet sense of knowing and determination, as one years ended and I set my heart to intentions and beginnings and renewal. A surprise baby, but so loved. My fourth.

The Birth of Quilla

Those precious fleeting newborn weeks

So that divine energy went inward again, it was a tricky pregnancy and took a lot of focus. Work could wait. These precious experiences of carrying my youngest child couldn't. Those experiences are, perhaps, a story for another day. But at the heart of it all, was the gorgeous yumminess of the life created. A birth that tested me on all levels and reaffirmed everything I believed in, and then taught me about my own power and endurance I always had within. The most delicious babymooning. Hours of gazing, of her deeply sleeping form on my chest. Of midnight snuggles and midday giggles (and often the other way around).

Quilla is seven months old now- divine little being.

Joy is her natural state

The Shakti energy never stays inward in me and my mothering for long though. I am a deeply introverted person, but also a woman of paradox... creativity channelled outwards is my most nourishing source of the sweet nectar of life. Quilla's birth has brought me, a little surprisingly, a greater sense of energy and vitality with which to meet the Shakti creativity in me. Many nights have been spent writing or working on various other projects of mine. The shift has been made, and it is time to work a little of my medicine again.

Find your medicine and use it!- Nahko Bear

With that comes a call for mindfulness, of course. My priority is the welbeing, safeguarding and nurturing of my children (and myself). I fully realise and attune to the responsibility to work in a way that nourishes both me, and my children, individually and as a tribe. One part of my awareness needs to be on this every day; a reflectiveness that will aid both my work and my mothering. For now, work needs to be predictable: no leaving the house at short notice in the middle of the after school rush to attend a birth for me! Rhythms, schedules, start times and end times... they are all a good thing right now.

These four are my compass and my heart

There's also a refreshing degree of freedom in this, as I am able to choose what serves me best and inspires me most, rather than going for what will make the most for the family financially. It's a time to hone and explore and play as well as work.

And so I move back to my work with Sacred Pregnancy. This blog, a perfect little project for my Gemini soul. During Quilla's pregnancy I undertook training in Sacred Loss: Healing Birth Trauma (which is one of my most passionate areas to work in), and am very close to piloting a six week course that is a combination of the Sacred Loss work and my own processes. (Stay tuned for more info).

I am now a qualified Healing Birth Trauma circle leader for Sacred Pregnancy

I am currently training in Sacred Beginnings, an eight week course to nurture mamas and their new little earthside babies. I will also be finishing my study on the Art of Sacred Post Partum (holistic postnatal care), and will soon begin training in running Blessingways/Mama Blessings... I've got my eye on Birth Journey courses, work with chakras and crystals and ceremonies and ritual for honouring babies.

There is also something very, VERY special coming up in March next year which I can't wait to talk about!

This is all a part of that tapestry that is coming back together in my life... one with four children now, with writing, counselling, doula work and holistic birth education. One where I live in a gorgeous soulful town, where sitting on the earth is great nourishment, where I am overcome with laughter or tears with my soul sisters and friends, where my children play up the street and go to the most amazing school and where my lover and I connect and bicker and make love and hang out washing together and drink far too much coffee together.

It's a beautiful life.

If you would like more information on the Healing Birth Trauma course, or any of my work, please call me on 0418950793 or email earthysammi@gmail.com

Let's start a discussion! What are your creative outlets? How does this intersect, or diverge, from your parenting?

Sammi Cambray/Sacred Whisper Bellingen 2016

Sammi is a holistic doula and birth counsellor, and the publisher of Sacred Whisper Bellingen

Ph: 0418 950 793