Silence and the Art of Holding Space

Silence is profound, and paradoxically, one of the most fundamental and effective components of listening.

When I speak of listening, I do not mean the unconcious listening that pervades much of the day- simply tuning in (or tuning out) to auditory stimulation. Instead, I mean the deep stepping in and heart opening that occurs when one sits as witness and container for another's expression.

Listening, in the true meaning of the word, is

Respectful
Without judgement
Compassionate
Facilitates the speaker to move onto the next stage of the process
An encounter with both self, and other; as well as that beyond the individual

To be silent, however, is such a key component. Not just silent of word, but silent of the mental chatter that clogs up our communication channels and seperates us right at the moment we intend to connect. Silence shifts us from mind space to heart space, and to body space, and the profound knowledge that lies there.

SIlence allows the speaker to follow their thread of consciousness where it is longing to go, and then gently, or abruptly, falls into an abyss.

That abyss is interesting. Apparently, it takes eighteen seconds from the start of silence, to come to a deeper awareness of what is going on underneath what has already been spoken. Eighteen seconds to gain an insight, eighteen seconds to become aware of a new facet of the issue, eighteen seconds to drop down.

How often do we give ourselves, or others, eighteen seconds?

This eighteen seconds has implications in so many areas. The lovers that find space to truly hear each other and break down the build up of patterning and habit; the parent that holds space for the child to voice some deep fears or let go of some cathartic tears. I can see immense implications for my work in counselling, and in birth work, especially in the very special time I spend with clients pre and post natally. It's such a charged, frenetic and emotional time; that conscious silence, well, it makes all the difference.

Let silence do the heavy lifting in your life, today. What does it manifest?




These reflections were inspired by the first day of Robyn Sheldon's doula workshop here in Bellingen. To know more about Robyn's work, have a look here. 

Sweet Dreams, My Children

There's a point in my day that always brings me to my heart: peace, softness and an expansive love that rejuvenates and replenishes, no matter how the family dynamics may have scuttled me earlier. It's the time, when I am sitting with my children as they fall sleep, a baby on each side, and my big boy up in his bunk bed beside us. I might hear a gentle snoring, or a child chatting softly to herself, I might see the dreamy gaze of those tired eyes, or feel the snuggliness of a little one finding just that right position under the covers.

Rhythm is a vibrant thread in our family tapestry, and given the above, one of the parts of family rhythm I find most nourishing is the bedtime rhythm. I'll share our bedtime here with you.

We start with a verse for moving to the bedroom together. There is a little candle glowing, and the lights are dimmed. The pyjamas are in the bedtime bags hung from the end of the bed and promptly put on, the beds are made, and hot water bottles await little bodies to warm. Who does all this, without the children realising it? Little fairies of course (or, perhaps Mama does it whilst the children were playing!).

Good Fairy, take me by the hand

And guide me to the Promised Land

Stars sing to me, while I'm asleep

Your gentle watch, forever keep,

So I may wake through all my days, 

I will follow Spirit's ways. 

After the children and I are in our pyjamas, there is some turn taking: a breastfeed for each of the babies, and a nice long cuddle with my big boy. We do this one at a time, so I can get some precious one on one time in. Whilst this is happening, the child who was 'Special Helper' that day chooses our bedtime story, and there is also usually some running and falling onto beds- until Mama reminds those cheeky little children that it is quiet time now!

We all snuggle up in one bed and read the chosen story, and at the moment, a page from a longer book. Then I sing: 

Who is ready for their rainbow?

Each of my children have a rainbow bunny rug from when they were little babies. I tuck them into bed, and lay the rainbow over the top of them one by one, singing:

Go to sleep now, precious (child's name)

Night is falling blue and deep

Stars are bright, and angels carry

Down from heaven, holy sleep

Slumber sweetly, dearest (child's name)

Night has come so blue and deep

Weaving dreams of silver starlight

Angels guide thy holy sleep

(Both these songs came from a little book of bedtime verses from my local Steiner playgroup, although I altered the first one a little to suit our spiritual needs. )

Some nights, but not often, my middle child will stay in her bed (and also giggling, ask for me to sing the lullaby to whatever toy she has chosen the special honour of sleeping with her that night!) Mostly, though, she will sneak into my bed whilst I sing to my littlest, so I have those two precious little ones on either side of me, or on my lap, or snuggled in my arms. 

Once they are all settled, I sing the Gayatri Mantra three times, their signal and invitation to deep, sweet slumbers. And then I sit there, in my mama bliss, soaking up the energy and presence of my children, without the demands, the dynamics and the "doing" that can distract us all from who they really are.

 

Dear Solitude- Hernani Wilderness Hut

Dear Solitude, 

About seven years ago, I broke up with you. It wasn't a clean break, and I admit that the little stolen rendezvous we have from time to time fill me with both bliss, and a yearning to have more of you. Yesterday we had an affair to remember, thirty one hours with you and only you. Breaking up was the wrong idea, and though I know our relationship can never be the same, I want you in my life- somehow- again.

 Love, Sammi.

The Hernani Wilderness Hut in twilight majesty

It's been a very long time since I have been able to indulge my need for solitude. The emptiness of being, I encounter myself there, and I find I like the person I meet. Solitude- and nature time- is how I rejuvenate, it's how I give the power back to the wiser self within me. And it's been too long since I gifted myself this, in my mothering.

I have been yelling, screaming, impatient, intolerant, unsettled, run down. Not mothering from the space I yearn to. I had to get out, refresh and rest.

I booked a night at the Hernani Wilderness hut, about an hour from Bellingen. It's located right on the Bicentennial Trail, near Guy Fawkes National Park and New England National Park. It is off the grid, a rustic, homely little nest that suited my purposes perfectly. 

 

The hut sleeps nine, but I was alone, and oh! That was bliss. I went with self-given permission to sleep for the entire time if I needed to. 

But when I arrived, when I took the time to walk the space, create my little nest for the night, and imbue it with a little of my own energy, it was clear to me that sleeping wasn't the biggest priority. 

Instead, I collected firewood, I did jigsaw puzzles (another thing I haven't done since having children, for fairly obvious reasons), I read (and read and read, with no interruptions), and I explored. 

As afternoon passed into night I went for a long walk along the bicentennial trail, and felt myself dropping into not the acute recuperation state that I had expected, but a deep, soulful healing place. As the almost-full moon rose, I walked that trail, followed by two young cows, my familiars for the journey.  At one point I looked up, and saw three statuesque red kangaroos standing at the top of the hill, watching me. They were ancient sentinels. 

I made an earth mandala, I sat inside a burnt out tree, I sang down the sun.

I returned, as the sun sank deep into the earth, to the hut. I lit the fire and sat for hours by it, eating simple food and reading. And then, has the most amazing, blissful, regenerative sleep! Oh, how I long for this solitude again.

Birth Doula Training Workshop- Mama Bamba

 

The flyer says it all really!

I have felt very called to be a part of this workshop, and things have fallen into place for me to attend. The women who have already committed to attend are an amazing bunch of women, and this will be a very special circle. 

 If you do attend, can you please let Robyn now I sent you!